suzeblogworld

Post-op x-ray

2012-01-21T16:02:00.001Z

We have just been up to the surgeon for a fresh x-ray and feedback. Everything is good with the x-ray. There are no gaps around the edges, the lung has blown up back to its normal place and there is no fluid.

I was treated to an explanation of the high-tech gadget Mr S used to work on my lung. It is some sort of "gun" ... to judge from the way he wave his arms around, over a foot long! At the business end of it is some amazing gadgetry that will both cut and staple the lung at the same time. It fires out three rows of staples at a time. Each cassette costs 50 quid and he used 4 of these in my 4 inch cut. Somewhat dearer than a skein of cat gut, eh!

It is finally sinking in that we are past this now ... although I cannot cycle for another couple of weeks,. I feel pretty good ... the pain is bit tiresome, due to the nerve damage inflicted on my back, though I feel it at the front of my ribs, but I Can Cope.

I dont think this is exactly the kit, but this is an example of a triple row-stapler!

http://www.tristaple.com/acs/?page=Reload

If you google VATS (video assisted thoracic surgery) you get to see quite a lot about what is invololved in this procedure, but I only did that AFTER my op. Before-hand I prefer not to visualise these things in too much detail, it makes it too graphic and harder to shrug off mentally .. for me. I have still never looked at any images related to the bowel surgery.

In fact, the keyhole nature of this VATS makes it enormously less invasive .. and therefore much easier to recover from ... far less pain. I have located a (rather chilling) photo of what it looks like to have your ribs "spread" which is a euphemism cos really they have to break the ribs and push them aside in the traditional open surgery .. I hope I can expunge that memory if there is ever a need to go down that route in the future! The surgeon was up-beat about the fact that he would happily operate on either side of me again if there is recurrence in my lungs. Having a VATS procedure means you get less adhesions, so the re-visit on the same side is more feasible.

If you NEED to see it, this page has a video, although, tbh, I have not looked at it!
http://www.cts.usc.edu/videoassistedthoracoscopicsurgery.html

This link includes a drawing of the traditional access route through "spread" ribs -- again, open only if you really NEED to see this stuff!
http://www.thoracicgroup.com/about_vats.php

Family Care

2012-01-19T11:50:00.002Z

It has been a real treat, and boost to my recovery, that my sister came up for the weekend and my brother booked a whole week off work to care for me since I got out of hospital.

In the event I needed less "looking after" than we had expected when these plans were made, so we were able to enjoy the sunshine and local scenery together. It has been a very precious treat to see both Julie and Mark and have really special time on our own together.

I mooched around at Trentham Lake and also the Roaches with both of them in turn.

I have also been busy with my physio breathing exercises and stretches everyday. I feel quite remarkably well. My stitches are out and I will se the surgeon again on Saturday.

Home

2012-01-14T12:23:00.002Z

I got out of hospital on Wednesday. Must say the discharge process was lacking a certain urgency, and time was trickled through the system, but at last we got out and we went to Shaffers Indian Restaurant on the way back!

Enjoyed a good meal there then got home and settled down for a few more episodes of Downton Abbey. I fear I might have nodded off through most of them .... actually.

I am so much more comfy after this key-hole surgery than the whole abdominal incisions I've had before, so I was able to sleep in my own bed with no trouble at all. Great.

On Thursday we did a little trip out to Trentham, as my surgeon's advice was to walk a lot ..
later that evening my sister arrived from Dorchester.

On Friday there was some fun running by my relatives, but I just lazed around until they got back and we feasted on oatcakes from the Helen's shop. Then we went to Trentham and walked around a fair bit.

Later we bobbed to Hanley so B could progress her passport application and I got Tegaderm from Boots to patch up my dressing. A few successful purchases in TK Maxx made it a great day.

B rounded it all off with a lovely roasted leg of lamb, which she found slightly stressful since we are all out of the habit of cooking meat and the new cooker is still a novelty to us, but it was gorgeous.

Fine food

2012-01-11T07:46:00.003Z

One thing about not being in chemo, I am generally able to appreciate the food here more than I usually can when I am in hospital.

Here at the BMI Alexandra in Manchester they have teamed up with a local chef Paul Heathcote, and it seems he really has influenced the food. The meat specials at lunch and dinner are very "french" style and really VERY good. Last night, I fell with such vigour on the lovely little pink noisettes of lamb that I forgot to get a photo! They also do lots of veg alternatives with spinach, mushrooms etc so good for building up strength again.

You can get this lovely fruit salad with every meal:

On Monday night I had this tray for my main meal:

The salad was definitely not something you'd want on chemo, blue cheese and perfectly ripe pear, but I loved it, served with rocket and finely sliced red cabbage. The main dinner was a meltingly soft, slow roasted duck-leg with creamed cabbage and mash.

I am eating some meat this week because I have been told that meat proteins support healing better than non-meat sources.

Drain Pain

2012-01-10T11:02:00.000Z

Yesterday I was very comfy and able to move freely most of the day.

This morning I woke up feeling pretty good ..did my breathing and walking then the pain got worse and worse in my chest so by breakfast I couldn't move enough to even EAT (cripes, always a stress) . ..

The severe/hot stabbing stuff has eased off but it is still tender and I feel nervy/tense so trying to relax as much as I can. This leaves me fearful to move and will not be throwing myself into shower or any other vigorous activity in the near future.

The drain is still swinging too much, so I cannot have it out, need another x-ray and will see surgeon later this afternoon.

Hey ho

Lung Surgery

2012-01-09T13:32:00.001Z

Saturday, 7th January 2012

Almost five years to the day since my first cancer surgery I was re-admitted for another operation.

This time I have come to The Alexandra Hospital in Manchester for an operation on my left lung.

The reason for coming here was to have access to intensive care, but as it happens I didn't need it. The surgeon was able to get in and out through key-hole and I came round really quickly and in good spirits. Before the op Mr S said he would take biopsies of some thickening of the pleura that he had seen on the CT scan, but in the event he didn't do that, he says it all looked very normal. He has taken out a small tumour from the lower lobe and he was pleased with how it went. He has taken out wide margins just in case this is a new form of lung cancer and not mets from the bowel cancer. This will be checked out in Stoke.

My throat was sore initially cos he put a pipe down there but the real gyp is from the chest drain. It didn't hurt at first because he "blocked" the nerves with some local anaesthetic, but once that wore off I really felt it. I am having some controlled drugs to help with that .. but sometimes it really hurts like a hot iron rod pushed through my chest ... it can make me cry out and sweat ... eek. luckily that only lasts a short while, generally. Unfortunately the lung is still leaking air so the drain cannot come out yet.

The food here is good, with nice soups they make themselves and a good fresh fruit salad so I feel well nourished .. although a bit anxious about the side-effects of codeine and morphine slowing my gut down ... so I am not eating much at a time.

Physio are on my case about breathing exercises and walking about so I have a timer set to hourly intervals to make sure I stick to the programme ... using their little breathing gadget and pacing up and down the corridor too.

Here I am before the operation, mark on chest to make sure they open up the correct side.

Brigid and Mandy just heard the surgeon say it was all tickety-boo

About 90 minutes after the operation - talking to my mum:

About 2 hours after the operation, the surgeon said eat and drink plenty:

The drain coming out of my back. The top plaster is covering one of the two little holes he used to do the procedure.

Sunday, on the move with the physio:

Monday's news is that the lung is still leaky so I have got the keep the drain in a bit longer ... so at least one more night in hospital ... but with morphine before bed time, I will probably be able to sleep again, so that's OK!

Christmas 2011

2012-01-03T10:21:00.002Z

Just jotting down a few memories of Christmas 2011 ... we were so busy I might not recall the details later .. Apart from anything we both seemed to be fighting off coughs and colds and a couple of times my nights were very restless with my usual belly-aches etc etc .. boring stuff .. but that aside, we had a great time.

We decorated the shed in homage to my mum's decorating style:

I suppose Christmas really started with my trip to Dorchester to see all the family and exchange gifts there. The boys seemed to like their shirts:

On the way back up the country I also managed to grab a little meeting with Mark, Tracy and Luke, despite the flat tyre trauma at the start of the return trip!

------------------------

Brigid and I started our Christmas plans by getting Brigid a 12 day guest membership at my gym, which we used at least 8 times, I think. We went most mornings if there was not a "better offer" and generally did at least one class. We did lots of body-balance and yoga with a few cycling classes of great strain thrown in for good measure. You never work so hard on the bike as you do in a class with a super-fit guy barking out intructions for interval training .. we really enjoyed that.

We also made good use of the time to do relaxing in the spa bath and the heat of the saunas for a treat too, which was very relaxing.

People
We saw a fair few people over the holiday, which as lovely.

Went to Manchester to disperse a few pressies and caught a glimpse of Kasia and Gary before they set off to Poland for their own Christmas time.
The same day we enjoyed a little party at James and Huw's house, where we met a few new people, we especially liked Sarah and Beck. James and Huw also came over to us before Christmas and we had a meal up at the pub with them. Here I am modelling one of my sister's dresses:

On that same day we has seen Liz as she was driving by over and called in on her way to Chester.

We also bobbed around a bit with Mr Kettle, including a rare foray back to the house to collect Christ mas Cards!

Kay entertained us at her house for Christmas Day, and is her photo, and also one of me wearing the other dress my sister lent me, though the cardi pretty much covers it in this photo!

Greg came one afternoon and left his business card .. so professional these days! B and Greg went out for a walk in the woods, but I was a bit frail that day.

Mandy and Pete planned a great evening where we went to theirs for tea with Jenny and John. We then all went out to the Theatre for a very entertaining show: "You can't take it with you"

We saw Bet who lives on the site a few times, she sometiems came over in the evening for a little drink with us.

Clare came over one afternoon to get the last look at the shed before we winterised it.

On the way home from the shed on New Year's Eve we popped in for a lovely lunch with Jane, David and their son Timothy.

Activity
In addition to the gym routine we also made good use of the mild weather to do some trips out.
One evening we went for a walk around the Chester City Walls.

One afternoon at the Chester Zoo, which I am determined to use more when we are back the the shed next year, it is lovely, apparently one of the top 15 zoos IN THE WORLD! The tiger cubs feeding and the jaguars walking by our legs on the other side of one-way glass were highlights of that.

I already mentioned the theatre trip, which was close contender for being my favourite part of the holiday, so many laughs, but the actually tip-top favourite trip was braving the winds to get a long walk along the coast at Crosby . I just adore being there and gazing out over the Gormley statues. The tide was going out when we arrived and the wavews were very high. In parts it was almost too hard to walk into the wind with the soft sand whipping into our faces, but to me that makes it all the more interesting. It is a blend of art and nature that never seems the same and always holds my interest. Awesome, really exhilarating.

---------------------------------------------

Packing up was quite hard work, and we are still busy unpacking and arranging all the stuff from the shed into the house .. it is rather strange cos everything here is still very new to us as well! We are faced with new wardrobes, new shelving outside in the shed, new kitchen. Nothing very familiar about it at all, yet. But two months hibernating here will soon make it feel like ours again!

Another Year

2011-12-31T04:10:00.001Z

Tralala ... happy, skippy, carefree life .. .. .. ..

tralalala

enjoying life,
enjoying family and friends,
tralala

eating well,
keeping fit,

tralalalala

having holidays
cycling
decorating
gyming

tralalalalalala

BANG BANG

Lung surgery.Lung surgery.Lung surgery.Lung surgery.
BANG
Lung surgery.

There you are, pottering along thinking that you might be one of the very few with advanced bowel cancer who can keep going, and

BANG BANG BANG ...
you have a routine scan and you find there is fresh growth on your lung.

BANG BANG
It hurts a bit. This banging up against reality. Letting go of the illusion that the cancer would slide off into the night and leave us alone.

BANG BANG
That ain't the way it works, sweet-heart, and no-one ever told me it was .. I just wanted that to be the way and

BANG BANG

REALITY BITES ...

But .. painful, aching, banging up aginst reality aside .... ..... this has been a great 18months out of treatment. The anti-cancer programme is undoubtedly working for me. I have not had to go back for chemotherapy this year, I have learnt to live with the on going impact of previous treatments .... and the lung tumour I have is all alone, and it is small and it is slow growing. This is all defined as VERY GOOD by my oncologosit.

BANG BANG
smacked up against the reality of the continuum of what can be considered good < ----- > bad for people like me! This is the good end of it!

I decided that I need to start blogging again ...

I really far preferred the 18 months off, but hey ho .. here we go again.
Lung surgery.

It does not feel like a particularly Happy New Year ... I liked the old one much better and I am going to lie low during all the New Year razamataz .... but hope to get over this lung surgery in good order and continue with my tralalalalalal carefree-blogfree existance SOON.

where am I

2010-06-07T09:07:00.005+01:00

Where I am is making a new forum to replace this blog .. I find this quite hard to use, and not not as inter-active as I would like, so I have been working on a new thing .. where it will be easier to chat and for friends / family to chat to each other as well ...

there are other reasons for the new thing as well .. mainly cos I have been reading all about anti-cancer and I wanted to record notes from that, and a forum is a better tool for that cos it's easier to group stuff in threads and go back to stuff .. and it can be in a section which ppl who are interested can read, and ppl who are not can ignore it!

ALSO this blog has been tricksy about photos from the start, and the layout is always weird when I put photos in .. where as in the forum I can manage that much more easily.

SO, I started it a couple of weeks ago and got some mates of mine who are used to forums to do it with me to show you how it works ... now you can come over and join in too:

it is open to anyone who reads my blog, and I hope it will prove more diverse than being just about me!

You need to REGISTER to comment, but you can read with out registering .. it is easy to register and I will build up a FAQs so you can learn other techniques of using a forum if you want to! I have made the photo section for registered members only, but the rest is as public as this thing is!

http://suzeforum.proboards.com/

Good News

2010-05-28T13:38:00.001+01:00

The scan showed the tumours under control and I can have 6 months off ... still in shock, really. Amazing!

Last chemo for a while???

2010-05-26T23:47:00.001+01:00

Today hasn't been too bad ... had a fun time with my Aunty B who brings me in, looking through my extensive collection of fancy shoes that I rarely wear .. cos she is going on a cruise and will be dressing for dinner every night (I imagine) she borrwed three pairs, and a gorgeous dress, which I am delighted to think of her swanning about it .. !

Barb stayed and did great service her keeping me company for a few hours, while the chemo was slowly go tgoing (staff shorages) but a lovely docotor who got good canula on inside of my arm, above wrist..

Mandy Jane came down about 4
then Mr K.
then Dr A.

then the lovely and gorgeous Mrs Wife ... last but not least .. she had governors' meeting tonight ..

So I've had plenty of company and texts and emails too from other family and friends ..
Feel ok -tired but not ready to sleep yet ... it's not easy.

Warm at last!

2010-05-21T06:51:00.005+01:00

Aint this weather great?

I've eaten out on the terrace of the Trentham Italian restaurant (Terrazzo del Giardino) three times in a week! B and I went at the weekend, then I went with Celia F for lunch on Tuesday and we took Andy there last night. It is such a treat to sit out and eat there. Very quiet, calm, warm and surrounded by old trees, birds, the heady scents of gernaiums in warmed terracttoa pots, and garlic mingling on the air. It really feels like being on holiday, but only 15 minutes from home!

I had a lovely day in Cannon Hill Park with Jan yesterday too. Birmingham offers a range of treats. In deference to my tired condition we settled for coffee, cookies and ice-cream partaken between slow ambles around the lakes and gardens here, rather than our usual tussle with the City Centre.

ten foot of windows!

2010-05-16T12:44:00.006+01:00

I know, we're obsessed -- but here ARE the lovely long windows:

This gives a sense of the fullsize the open-plan look -- now all walls are down!

This it the start of new wall between bedroom and living area

More photos

2010-05-14T17:23:00.004+01:00

Birthday flowers for B, purple from her workmates, yellow and white from her brother and family.

First of the lovely wide windows at back of living area.

Same window, diff angle! really love this! The rear view is all trees, and this will be ten feet wide of windows when the other one is in to the left of it

poorly paw -- Chris injured his hand :-(

shed progress - inside

2010-05-08T18:56:00.007+01:00

All photos are clicky to see bigger version.

This gives a good idea of how nice the new door looks inside, and the sense of bringing the outside. This bit will be the dining area.

B loves this - it shows how our new windows, not frosted or netted, will always allow us a great view of the trees behind.

B taking stock of the inside, standing where the kitchen will be and looking at where we're having the ceiling made "A"-shape to match the middle bit.

Ceiling, in need of a new beam and a bit of work!

The little windows at the back here are the only one's Chris has to fit now. They will be all the width currently covered by mirror as well as the two little window bits.

Where all the mess is now will be the main seating area ... eventually.

shed progress - outside

2010-05-08T18:46:00.004+01:00

This week the windows got put in.

These old windows will be re-cycled into cloches for someone's garden.

The two new windows will be either side of our bed on the inside.

She looks so cute on her new deck.

We won't have two doors here for ever, the old one will be blocked off ...

These new patio doors look great, they open into the main seating area. and this other window will be above the kitchen sink.

Election Night

2010-05-07T01:36:00.014+01:00

Tried to sleep but even though I've pretty well ignored this election I find myself unable to NOT listen. Mr K is asleep in the living room, so I am relying on the radio for results and analysis ..

Amazing news about some ppl being turned away at 10pm tonight .. so the talk of voter apathy seems also slightly askew to the reality in these wards.

I do, really, love the way the pundits try to build a story on the emerging news, instead of just waiting till the results are in ...

Gordon Brown's count just came in, and he is increased his own majority!

6.9% = swing the Tories need ... so far they're getting 3.9% overall. (1.52 am)

Guilford, "No 1 Top Target" for Libs against Tories ... stayed Tory with bigger majority .. so yet again the Lib-Dem surge is already looking like the myth it usually is!

Tooting, held by Labour, this seat is on the edge of what Tories need to get a majority, so good news they didn't get it! Gedling (sp?) also held by Labour, ditto. Ben Bradshaw kept Exeter .. and Bolton NE saved

1.54 am In Scotland and Wales the Labour vote is up, but it's down in England.

1.57 am pundits are busy talking about Brown making a co-alition with Lib-Dems (if enough of THEM get elected of course!) 60 seats declared so far, so less than 10% in.

2.09 am "If there's one certainty it's that Brown cannot carry on as PM" (in a co-alition context) I think this is Tory pundit talking, wish they'd remind us of who they have in the studio! Was it Ken Clarke?

2.18 Where Tories are trying to win seat from Libs they are failing, so far.

Will the Greens get Brighton?

2.22 am Signs of Tory wins from Labour, but ones quite high on their target list, not evidence of enough to govern.

Ohh I really should try to sleep -- I am suffering with tiredness in general, but not nec. sleepy, if you know the subtle difference!

bits of news

2010-05-06T08:29:00.004+01:00

I updated my fitness blog today, with news of someone who is keeping fitter than me, our nephew Aaron, who has been cycling like mad this year!

We had hoped to go over and see them all in Ireland this coming 1/2 term break, but it isn't even certain that my treatment will be finished by then, so we had to back off that idea. A great shame cos we'd love to be cycling around the beautiful places where they live with Aaron and the rest of the family there. :-(

On the other hand we might be able to go to the shed. After a slow start Chris (the joiner) seems to be getting stuck into our work, and the windows arrived on site yesterday.

bank-holiday weekend

2010-05-03T10:23:00.005+01:00

Crikey, where is the sun? Typcial bank-holidya frizzon of frost in the air here today!

I am struggling with tiredness, still .. but otherwise not too bad.

On Saturday we had enough sun to eat breakfast outside, which was lovely and B had lots of post to open for her birthday. We went to the Hollybush at Stockton Brook for lunch, which is rapidly becoming our fave place to go out ... the food is really good. Totally on the spur of the moment we popped down to Ann's Antiques and I saw a lovely diamond ring which I just HAD to buy for my wife, so she got double presents! It is lovely, and the price was "right".

Yesterday we went out with Kasia and Gary for lunch in Manchester, at a place called Albert's Shed. Seem to be on a shed theme these days! It doesn't seem like the obvious thing, but duck pizza is a very nice thing to eat! B ordered a rabbit dish and there was NO rabbit in it .. just piles of mushroom, so she had to have something else .. but we had a good time there and will go back.

We then bobbed around to see other mates who live in the Chorlton area in the afternnon.

Today, B's already been out on her bike, and I have done nowt .. the tiredness .. sorry, repeating myself, but it is just ever-present and getting on my nerves ... hey ho, hopefully only two more chemos to do ...

butter

2010-04-27T09:45:00.002+01:00

Butter is a forbidden food at our house. But if you just happen to decide you need to treat your mate to a steak for tea, and the steak just NEEDS garlic butter** then you will have some lurking in the kitchen for a day or two after ...

and then if you just happen to be in the Co-Op when they have a basket of reduced-to-clear-crumpets by the till, so you can't miss seeing them .. well then you have breakfast made in heaven .. don't you?

** Nigel Slater's Recipe for garlic butter with steak:
50g butter
two large tablespoons chopped parsley (that's a lot)
1 tsp Dijon mustard
juice of 1/2 lemon
salt
large garlic clove, crushed with the salt

soften the butter and blend the other stuff into it .. amazing how the parsley goes in .. this is just scrummy on a steak and jacket spud ... (ask Mr K!)

Today is a back to hospital day. I'm really starting to feel the cumulative effect of the chemo now, and am generally quite tired and low energy pretty much all of the time ...

I am enjoying thinking about the shed, and we spent a happy weekend pottering around gardens (Biddulph Grange) and garden centres (too numerous to mention) in search of a water feature and new pots for the deck. We bought a lot of new pots, and as soon as the shed and deck are painted we can pot them out .. we're going very simple with geraniums and lavander, for their drought resistance. We might just re-cycle the water feature we used to have here, b4 we got the giant marble one we invested in a couple of years ago.

Wandering around and gasping at the prices of things B and I conclude we've turned into the older generation, as we are endlessly amazed at how dear things seem!

Retiring

2010-04-15T15:47:00.004+01:00

I'm inside again. Thanks go out to Sam for bringing me in, and I hope Barbara and Dom had a good day together.

I also missed Mr K this week, swanning around in the sun in Scotland. This time last year we were up there together and B and I are jealous of the lovely rides he is doing.

---------------------------------------------------

I am pursuing early retirement for ill-health now, a very tough decision but I think the right one. It feels like arguing against myself ... you know what I mean?

I went back to college when I was in remission, and really enjoyed it, but things are different now, and I can't see me pushing myself to it again ... my new bowel configuration is the tin-lid on it, really, cos you can't teach from the loo ... to say nothing of the repeated chemo and its side-effects, of course.

My occupational (teacher's) pension (TPA) will pay out on ill-health grounds if they accept that I am:
a) unable to work
b) this condition is permenant ...

that's all the criteria are .. pretty simple, in a way, it's not an easy thing to accept emotionally .. but I think it's true for me on both counts ...

The paperwork depends very heavily on what my oncologist says ... I think he needs to know more about my erratic bowel action before he fills in the form, cos we never talk about it (what's the point!) except now there IS a point, he needs to know so that he can fill in these forms ..

I've already done some of what the TPA like you to do first, i.e. step down to an easier job (used to be head of a large dept) and also gone very part-time (currently only earn a 1/3 of what I was on 4 years ago!) so I've shown willingness to continue while it looked like I could staying remission .. so that should help my case.

I saw the occupational health doctor on Tuesday, and he agreed that I am unfit for work. I cried a fair bit, I must admit.

Update

2010-04-12T22:39:00.002+01:00

I've enjoyed having the extra week off -- I feel almost normal now .. well, you know, as normal as I'll ever be!

We had a great time in Lyme Regis, and enjoyed seeing everyone. Crazy Golf was the hightlight of the week for me. Kid sister Julie can still weild a winning club, after all these years!

Other highlights:

some lovely fish-meals out with family
the screen dad made for my elephant tapestry (it looks great in front of the fire place, dad!)
getting our credit card queried as Street cos I was using it so fast and furiously!
the fossil-walk-talk thing on Charmouth beach
B drinking 4 pints on Sat watching Chelsea v Man U ... she hardly drinks any more, so she was more than a little :: cough :: tipsy!
chocolate!

It is true that chocolate is addictive .. I keep craving it now.

We've also been making progress with the Shed since we got back .. I was working on firming up the kitchen plans today. It looks very lovely. Assuming that Chris (our workman) hasn't won the lottery then things should get moving more over the next week or two!

Easter!

2010-04-01T22:10:00.002+01:00

Dr Adab has given me an extra week off so B and I can still get a week away in Lyme Regis. I hope it isn't snowing down there! We're packing extra blankets for cosiness in the caravan.

I'm looking forward to seeing all the family down there, and getting my hands on the things dad's been making for me, to say nothing of the aforementioned coffee set.

crockery

2010-03-28T19:44:00.003+01:00

mum and dad are giving us this old coffee set of theirs, which I have always loved:

shopaholics anonymous

2010-03-28T19:26:00.007+01:00

We went on a spree in Dwell, to get more furniture for the shed ... images not to scale, the round table is 110cm, a small dining table, the squarish ones are quite small!

Bet mum and dad think it's funny getting furniture like they had when I was a kid, though I couldn't see any chairs as nice as the perpex ones they used to have, at least these ones are swivelly!

shed getting cleared out!

2010-03-26T11:31:00.005Z

inside the shed

2010-03-22T20:27:00.007Z

The interior as it is now ....

The current lady owner thinks she is going to give this sofa to charity.

IMHO she will struggle to get anyone to take it off her hands!

Below you can see the DFS sofa we will be using as the lynch pin in our 50's style refit!

We bought a shed

2010-03-21T12:47:00.009Z

Very excited today ... all about a new project we've got to change our lives quite dramatically - we've become second home owners!! We've bought a lodge a few miles from B's work so she won't have to do all the driving every week in future ... and we will see more of each other, and I will have a lovely new area to explore ..

First pic is how it looked yesterday

DAD - see this!

It has got the most amazing south facing deck ... nearly as big as the lodge itself

You can see more about it's exact location here, on this holiday park:

http://www.ridgewaypark.com/

It looks like this from the outside, which is lovely and the location is really really great ..

inside it is vile and we will be doing a complete refurbishment on it, moving walls, new window, kitchen, bathroom and furniture . . . it will be brilliant!

Buggeration

2010-03-16T10:40:00.002Z

Brigid has been quite unwell for nearly a week, and it seems I may have picked up her bugs, cos I have some sort of flu thing going on: totally tired (or asleep) feverish, high temp, cold feet, aching joints .. gripey tummy etc ..

Dr Adab will not admit me with these symptoms, so my chemo is delayed .. which is really annoying cos my school-pals were due to come up and see me next week, and we've booked a week in Lyme for Easter, both of which will now clash with chemo dates ... ARGH!

Caked out

2010-03-14T19:18:00.003Z

We went to London and it seems all we did was eat cake!

We had a couple of little pastries at our hotel breakfast on Saturday: Crown Moran Hotel

We had coffee and biscuit in Covent Garden: up in the air in Chez Gerard with great views out over the Market.

We had mint tea and mini baclavas in a place called the Souk. It was very cosy in the cellar with Arabian drapes and brasslamps.

We had florentine and tea in a French Patisserie: Maison Bertaux

We had chocolate ice creams and sauce from the Haagen Dazs place in Leicester Square.

I won't be able to blame my chemo for my weight gain this week, will I?

In fact, eating cakes is not all we did, cos we had lovely times with Jean, Kt, Jean's mum, and B's sister, Alice ...

And we saw Priscilla, which we thoroughly enjoyed in a high-camp, high-pop, high-kicking-dance sort of way. We had great seats so we could really enjoy the costumes and make-up ... BUT we really thought Jason Donovan was pretty poor as both singer and dancer, luckily the rest of the cast are better than him!

SUN

2010-03-07T18:41:00.002Z

Would you believe it! How lovely it's been to see blue sky and feel some warmth outside.

I've been busy today, doing a bit of cleaning up in the garden and then roasting a beef joint for some sandwiches tonight. It was meant to be a good omen cos our friend made us beef sandwiches when we went to her house to watch an earlier round of the FA cup ... when Stoke did really well .. hey ho, the omen didn't work, and Stoke were beaten at Chelsea, but the sandwiches were amazing anyway!

Healthwise, the chemo was a bit tough again; sick almost as soon as the iriniticin started on Tuesday, quicker than ever before. The medics quickly stuck another syringe driver on me to deliver anti-emetic, and it helped ... in as much as I was able to drink and eat a bit of banana and toast so I avoided dehydration this time, but it didn't totally stop the vomiting .. bleugh ... and I felt a bit rough. But still!! It was a lot better than the last time.

Came home with the driver on; it makes me really really tired. The drug is a sort of anti-histimine (cyclizine) they're not really sure how it even works to stop the sickness. It really zonks me out ... so even though I still feel quite queasy I asked the District Nurse to take it out this morning. I have had a lot more energy today, so I think that was the right decision.

You might wonder how queasiness reconciles with piling into the beef sandwiches! One sad, but true, thing about nausea is that eating makes it better .. calories a-go-go ! Hey ho again!

I hope the sun shines again as the week goes on, it makes being active a lot more attractive prospect.

shopping trip

2010-02-28T21:39:00.002Z

Our shopping trip to Manchester today has been declared a great success ...

B got this Ted Baker jacket, tho it looks a bit better on her than on this model!

she also got a bargain mac in TKMaxx and I got a bucketload of Bobbi Brown makeup to try and add a bit of radiance to my weary old face ...

We were proper label-tarts today, we even had our lunch in Harvey Nicks! hehe

mixed

2010-02-26T18:03:00.002Z

Has been a mixed week: carried on feeling quite sick and very tired after I got out of hospital and had a syringe driver to deliver anti-nausea for three days at home, which is not a big deal but made me a bit sore in the belly. Also had to have those neupogen injections, which may or may not have contributed to the general malaise I've been struggling with this week.

Despite the tiredness I had a good time with B's mum, esp on Tues and Weds when we did some touristy stuff, including a walk around Trentham lake on Tues and a look out at the Westport lake from their new visitors' centre.

I got my hair cut on Thursday, after Jan had set off home and got some grocery shopping today, but didn't do a great lot else the last two days .. too tired and too put off by the sleety rain to get on my bike.

YAWN

xxxxx

bleugh but worth it.

2010-02-20T06:12:00.004Z

Oh dear.. have had a bad time inside this week. Level of sickness worse than ever before. Couldn't even get a sip of water to stay down, lost count of how many times I was sick, and just needed to sleep and sleep the whole time.

Obviously, not eating or drinkng leads to dehydration, so the doc prescribed extra fluids and thus I had to stay in an extra night as well .

I DO feel better now. They gave me a pump to infuse anti-nausea drugs into my belly (subcut) on a regular basis, and this seems to have done the trick. Will be going home with that still attached in a fetching bum bag arrangement, harldy Louis Vuitton, but hey ho.

Anyrate, that's been the experience, but the good news is my scan shows the tumours on my lung are shrinking .. so the chemo is doing its job ... good news!

newsy suzy

2010-02-13T20:47:00.004Z

I have been quite busy, lately, haha! It was great to have B's brother over here the last time I was inside, and we are both really grateful that he could make the trip, and bring lovely gifts too .. we just ate the last of the luxury chocs today, out on our ride .. notice that? B makes me save chocs for bike rides, so now you know why I cycle so often!

I've been good about going to my gym since my last stay in hospital - I even went spinning the day after I got out, that's keen, innit? In fact I DIDN'T go this Friday Yesterday) too tired after another one of those loo-bound nights ... but we made up for it with nearly 30 miles of real canal and roads today, we went over to Rode Hall to see the snowdrop Gardens.

This wasn't our first snowdrop garden, we went over to Upton Hall last Sunday, and also walked around Carsington Water, which was lovely too ... This involved another pub lunch, hot on the heels of the day before when we'd done 14 miles around the Tissington Trail .. rounded it off with sandwich and chips ... no wonder I don't lose any weight with all these pub meals ...

I saw Mr Woolf this week, we went round the lake together and had lunch in the caff there ... so even more calories.

And what hope for this weekend / 1/2 term break? ... since we'll be out for three nights with a la carte dining in Llandudno. Good job we are taking the bikes to keep moving or those stones would be piling back on!

I am coming back from Llandudno and straight into hospital, without even coming home .. which will be a bit weird. The day's been changed to Weds this time, so I can have a scan on Thursday and results while I'm still there on Friday. I have taken on board Mandy's comment that "this scan is to see what PROGRESS we are making".

Indeed.

I will update you on that next Saturday, I guess.

Hope those of you that are in education have a good 1/2 term, we are excited about having a little break and I've got B a lot of little Valentines gifts to add to the excitement.

(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
*`•.¸(¯`v´¯)¸.•´
** º ♥`•.¸.•´ ♥ º *

Valentines Kisses to y'all

xxxxx

Birthday Boys

2010-02-05T12:46:00.006Z

Toby and Joe are 12 today .. Happy Birthday to them ..

It seems quite amazing, no doubt, to anyone who has been in my A level langauge classes and seen them stuck forever in the amber of being toddlers, that they are not toddlers anymore!

SO many students of mine have benefitted from the lovely videos my dad and sister made of Toby and Joe over the years, and I'm sure we're all very grateful!

Now, they make videos of their own ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqGKnpdMijA

(blading)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXPmcy503nM&feature=channel (toby playing piano)

Busy

2010-01-31T17:33:00.004Z

I've had a good week. Most pleasing is that I did plenty of exercise. I went to an aerobics class on Monday, a spinning class on Friday and a long walk up to Bagnall yesterday with Mark, Tracy and Luke. I tried hard to stick to my diet despite eating out a fair bit and seem to have lost a couple of pounds since Christmas.

I've seen a few other mates this week, including Woolfy, Mr K, Anne and Anna.

I also saw Kelvin and Mario at Sandra's funeral, which was hard. I am still reeling from the shock of Sandra's death, and then heard from another pal on line that his daughter's condition had deteriorated rapidly and she's died before Christmas, and another internet pal with advanced bowel cancer has had mets discovered in his brain. These are harsh realities of life with cancer and it is hard to absorb all of this and still keep my head in the sand about my own outlook .. really, not easy!

On a more mundane note, B has been proper poorly with a nasty virus this week. She took to her bed for hours on end every day. I hope she hasn't passed it on to me, as I feel a bit weedy now, but it is hard to say to what extent that is just how the chemo makes me feel anyway ? My mouth, nose and throat is generally a bit of a war zone, with raw skin and blood dripping every day, so it's possibly just that. And the low blood counts make me feel tired about now, too, I think.

I'm back inside on Tuesday, but there are visitors to look forward to, not least, B's brother will be here tomorrow and for a couple of nights. I've also got some pals from college coming in to see me, so I will be kept occupied, it seems.

We're also making progress with our holiday plans for the Summer. Dr Adab told me to go ahead and plan, so we are doing! Bad news and scarey prognosis pushed out of my mind and reliving the sun and cheery memories of Provence is pulled firmly forward.

brighter

2010-01-22T11:30:00.002Z

Phew

Out of hospital and the ghastly medical smells all washed off. Replaced with the fragrance of lovely Molton Brown bath products (thanks to B's christmas gift from Huw and James !).

B collected me and we got out at about 7.45pm. last night. I'd hardly eaten anything cos I feel so sick and uninterested in food when I'm in there, but I was hungry, so we went to Frankie and Benny's. This was a good plan and it felt very normal and "nearly the weekend."

This morning I woke up very bright and breezey. I think last time I came out I felt quite rough, perhaps I was still a bit down with the impact of my chest infection and the anti-biotics, but today I feel OK. A bit sick, obviously, and probably not got much energy really, but we got up and did stretches together and I made us a nice breakfast.

I'm going to get some shopping soon, and hope the rain stops this afternoon so I can get out for a bit more fresh air, perhaps round the lake.

Reflective

2010-01-18T09:01:00.002Z

I've been a bit reflective this week. Partly, I guess cos it is time to do some thinking, after the diagnosis that the cancer is back and the sudden whirl of treatments, and then Christmas comes buzzing in, and now it is a lull.

I think Sandra's death also filtered into this reflective process, as well. In addition I had a letter I got from a mate saying " Do you plan on working for as long as you can then? I could see me cashing in my critical illness cover and travelling off round the world for a year. "

Well, what do I want to do?

I've generally taken my lead from Dr Adab (live your life) and my own philosphy that happiness is garnered from living a normal life, but I start to wonder now if that made more sense when I could think that I was going to get better and could think of a relatively normal life-span and now we know the bugger is back and in general ppl do not "get better" from this, it is a matter of a shorter life span and a lot of treatment to secure even that.

One of my internet pals has started to plan his treatment more on the basis of what he wants in terms of quality of life, in discussion with the palliative care staff at his hospice. I don't think I'm at that stage yet, my two secondaries are only small and there is the hope that this chemo can blast them and then I can have some time with nothing, again ..

some time

No-one can tell me how much, that's not what I'm reflecting on .. but how to use my time now, just carry on the same/ think of going back to work? keep a normal routine going .. or think of branching out in different ways while I still have capacity to choose and undertake different options ....

What do you think?

btw I updated my Take Heart Blog today .. more reflections on mortality if you're minded to take a look.

Sad about Sandra

2010-01-13T18:49:00.005Z

I've just heard the news that a friend I've known for 30 years has died this week, after her bowel cancer operation.

Sandra was a mentor for me in my early 20s when I was learning the ropes in my first jobs in community work and with the Workers' Education Association in Hanley. She was a few years older than me, and I really looked up to her as an inspiration in terms of her political awareness, feminism, local activism and also her sense of fun and ability to enjoy a night in the pub!

We used to see each other very often in our campaigning and trade-union activities and I learnt a great deal from her. We even spent a weekend in a hotel room together at a Trade Union conference in Blackpool in the early 80s. She really kept me under her wing and tried to save me from my own naivety at times like this, mixing as we were with older and probably predatory chaps!!

Time went by and we lost touch, only recently getting back in contact last year.

When we met up again, or talked on the phone, it was as though those years melted away and we got on as easily as we ever had. In the late spring of 2009 we arranged to meet for the first time and she was telling me about her various symptoms even then. For some reasons, lost in the mists of NHS mistakes, a proper diagnosis of advanced cancer wasn't made until around Christmas. It's hard to believe that we've had this same diagnosis and the same surgeon in common now.

Sadly Sandra only surfaced from her operation for a brief few days, before complications set in and she was taken into HDU. I understand that she never regained consciousness.

I am sorry that our re-aquaintance was only short, we had planned little trips together since she was already retired from work and I have time to occupy now that I work part-time. Unfortunately my own cancer came back to stop one of our planned lunches in October and we had anotehr one pencilled in for this week which will never happen now.

I am sad that we will not be able to rekindle more of our closeness, but I am really glad that Kelvin fixed it for us to meet up again after all those years. I am glad that I was able to tell her how important she seemed to me as a young woman, and how much of a pedestal I had her on. She was still great company and could laugh and entertain with yarns as well as she ever did and I would say she really hadn't changed much in 30 years. Even her trademark eye-liner was in place.

When her husband joined us it was also immediately obvious that their relationship was still vibrant and close. They've been together for 30 years. Sandra was a warm and energetic woman, and he will miss her dreadfully. If there is one thing worse than dying, in my opinion, it is being the one left behind from a close and loving partnership. Everything around him will resonate with loss and absence.

My heart goes out to him and her son today and in the future.

xxxxx

RIP SANDRA

home again

2010-01-09T11:42:00.002Z

Jut realised that it will be less than a week b4 I have to get blood tests again for next chemo -- bleugh. Dr A is being A for Adamant that we don't waste anymore time getting on with my chemo, so we are aiming for a two week cycle again, reverting to Tuesdays despite the late start this week ...

I was really grumpy this time, but it makes the coming home nicer! There has been a bit of snow here this morning but it is now super sunny bright, and I think we should pop over to Trentham and get some fresh air.

newsflash -

2010-01-05T17:55:00.004Z

this week's chemo is delayed until tomorrow

bet you think that's cos of the snow?

NO

it's cos the chemo drugs are LOST, obviously the druggies in Stoke have got their wire crossed and stolen the wrong stuff ... OR the poison with my name on is sitting on the wrong shelf or truck due to an error in some scanner or something ... hey ho!

New Year II

2010-01-04T11:24:00.003Z

I have mixed feelings about this New Year thingybob .. all the looking backwards, looking forwards .. it's not really a great thing for many of us to do, I reckon!

Anyway, leaving aside my reservations about the rigmarole attached to New Year conventions, I have adapted these thoughts from something one of my friends sent to me ..

I hope that in 2010 each and every one of you has:

Better health than you have had this year.
Better times than you have ever had.
More joys than sadnesses.
Regular satisfaction and pleasures from your daily routines.
The ability to be amazed by beauty and art.
A sense of appreciation for the good things in your life.
Ways to help, and to be helped by, your family and friends.
The privilege of being truly loved.

And I also hope that you'll all keep bobbing back in here to see me, and leave your comments, cos I like it!

happy new year

2010-01-01T19:42:00.004Z

communications

2009-12-28T21:55:00.002Z

ppl trying to phone us need to know that our land line is unplugged for technical trauma reasons (that means I dont really know what is wrong with the bloody'thing! )

and you can either use our mobiles or tinternet to talk to us ..

Christmas Day

2009-12-25T19:47:00.003Z

This time last year we sat on the cliff tops by the Atlantic eating crackers and salsa for lunch! We were in Lanzerote and had been rough tracking on the bikes along the volcanoes by the cliffs and beaches near Papgayo.

This year was a return to more traditional matters, which seemed a bit odd to be here for Christmas without Mr Kettle! We both missed him!!

We had a mini-platter in his absence, with all the traditional trimmings of turkey and stuffing, with lots of various veggies. Seems we were too busy doing the cooking or eating it all to take any snaps, so you'll have to make do with these photos of our tree and other decorations!

We hope you all had a very MERRY Christmas, and wish all our family and friends a very Happy New Year.

Snowy

2009-12-20T19:19:00.005Z

Had a pretty grotty, disturbed night, up for three hours with repeated toilet tripping .... YAWN .. but the day dawned bright and sunny and we went out yomping in the snow ..

This is the moorland at the back of our house ... notched up 7000 steps on this outing!

You can also see the value of the SKI PANTS!

It was very bright when we set out, but changed quickly as the clouds rolled in...

festive finery

2009-12-15T17:00:00.005Z

got to hospital today and there was a guy with lights and tinsel on his stand ... so I got B to get some for me ...

cute, eh? it's a snow theme

Good weekend

2009-12-14T15:33:00.003Z

Spent a great weekend with the Two Jays ...

Did some walking around both the Roaches and the Lake at Trentham. Ate out lots too, the Tea Rooms at the Roaches are open every day of the year now, except three days over the festive period .. which is good news!

Must admit it looks like we are entrants in a comedy hat competition, but I don't care ... I even wear this bonnet up 'anley duck, and ignore the stares and sniggers!

Visitors

2009-12-12T10:36:00.003Z

A slight change from the usual crowd this week:

one loss adjuster,
two sexy Celias,
three carpet fitters
four feisty cleaners
five delivery guys,
and an engine load of firemen

Crikey!

The Celias were obviously the high spot of this melody ..

Celia F knows how to do lunch - we'd already arranged that she would come over on Tuesday and she generally brings food with her, when she comes. I called her on Monday and alerted her to the severe kitchen crisis: nothing daunted she shifted her food plans.

She swept in here on Tuesday with a big flask of home-made soup, some chunky ham rolls and individual ramekins of apricot and brandy trifle. Plus the cakes and mince-pies in a tin as well! Awesome, as I'd say if I was American ..

The trifles looked amazing, heaped high with whipped cream and toasted almonds, the miracle was that they'd travelled at all, but Celia has a knack with packing as well as cuisine! The brandy in the trifles was my first drop of alcohol for 18 months: surprised I wasn't tipsy!

Thanks Celia.

And progress in the kitchen means it is all clean, the new flooring is down and the cooker is plumbed in .. so if you don't look up and see the smoke damaged ceiling, or spot the singed work-surface you'd just think I had a very clean kitchen!

Come Dine with Me

2009-12-07T16:58:00.005Z

I love that programme (perhaps a bit sad to say?)

I think I'd be a natural for it, friendly enough and enjoy cooking and eating!

I also reckon I'd be good for the comedy element .. take this Friday Night, for example, from which I have learnt these two tips which I offer to you too:

However lovely your recipe, and however keen you are to get to the table, when you've cooked it

1. make sure you turn all gas jets fully off ..

and

2. if you accidentally leave gas jet slightly on, DO NOT put plastic chopping board on top of it.

If you neglect these two bits of advice you will find yourself with a kitchen fire and two fire-engines outside for the evening ..

I kid you not, this is what happened to me on Friday evening.

I have spent the day dealing with insurance ppl, though hats off to them, the Co-Op and LV have been great so far!

Stepper

2009-12-05T10:13:00.002Z

I recently put a new battery in my stepper as part of my "Keep Moving" campaign and went around the lake at Trentham yestersday. I was amazed to find this "proper"walk only clocked up about 5,000 steps, and strolling to Bourne Sports and around Sainsburys in Stoke ratcheted up 3,000. Quite a surprise that these were so close.

I am going to log my daily steps as a way of keeping an eye on my campaign. If you are interested in this anorak-y stuff I am going to use the fitness blog as my notebook for my stats ... http://suzeblogfitness.blogspot.com/

I've done two little bike rides this week and should get another one in this weekend with Brigid, but whatever you do on a bike doesn't really record on a stepper.

Today we are awaiting the arrival of B's mum and David. They've been in the Lake District, just outside the worst of the flood areas.

Phew

2009-12-02T13:04:00.002Z

Good news all round. I feel better now. Vesuvius rumblings from belly have subsided and I don't feel too sick any more.

Even better: Dr Adab's ideas on the timings of the treatment were laughed out of court by the nurses, who have planned three week gaps so that hospital and patients alike can get a break over Christmas. This is great, means next chemo will be starting on 15th Dec, then off until the 5th Jan.

Even better better: I've been able to do walking or cycling most days, and am optimistic of sustaining my drive to keep moving more through this lot of treatment. The new regime hasn't made me feel any worse than the old one did ... well better, in fact, since the sore hands and feet scenario it taken out (Vesuvius belly isn't as bad as a trade-off!)

My ride today included bobbing into the college car-park to collect my bike lock. Tho I am too scared of germs to risk going in, there are always a few chaps loitering in the car-park to banter with ... :) guess who I saw?

First chemo

2009-11-29T17:28:00.002Z

Bleugh.

Oh well, it could be worse, it's nice not having the oxyliplatin, and only having to stay in for two nights.

It's also nice coming home!

Still feeling a bit queasy, tho the anti-nausea tablets do keep it down quite well. I'm a bit tired too, tho managed to get some proper sleep last night, for the first time in over a week, so that helps.

This week I've had visits from Andy, Sam, Mandy, Huw, James, Keith, B's mum, David Stretch. Gosh, that's a lot of visitors ... and I enjoy the distraction.

Llandudno Treat

2009-11-21T16:06:00.009Z

I have tried, several times, to line up these picures with their captions, but Blogger is beyond control sometimes, and determined to move them about.

Perhaps you'll have to imagine this as a puzzle and play "match the caption" if it scrambles them all AGAIN ...

This shows off my new dressing gown and the pyjama top you can just about see:

and the lovely breakfast that come on a tray

and the view down the prom from our window

The size of the suite is more obvious from this angle, with sleepy B on her sofa .

We had some good sunshine on Sunday:

Artistic view of the Grand Hotel .. worth clicking to see it full size.

Hospital Glamour

2009-11-17T09:24:00.002Z

Went shopping at M n S last week to treat myself to some new pyjamas and a dressing gown. The ones I wore last time are pretty tired and also I'm three sizes smaller, so I would have needed new stuff anyway. I reckon a new bit of luxury will make the fortnightly stays in hospital a little more bearable, so I set off to the shops, giving Primark a wide berth.

It was a good time to go shopping, cos (if you hadn't noticed) it is nearly Christmas and they have got lots more stuff in. I chose some luscious soft stuff in their Autograph range ... warm mink and aubergine colours which I really like.

When I got to the till I thought I'd offer up the gift voucher that people from work had sent me, which was supposed to buy me a few flowers (I'd been told!) In fact there was enough money to pay for the lot. I must admit my eyes filled with tears .. I hadn't any idea there was such a generous gift in the envelope.

I hope they don't mind I didn't spend it on flowers, and it feels very sweet that everytime I'm in hospital I'll have this glamourous gear with me as a reminder of the kindness of the people I work with.

Weekend plans

2009-11-13T16:00:00.003Z

Brigid and I are going to have a couple of days by the sea this weekend .. to my favourite: Llandudno ... and our favourite hotel there Osborne House.

We stayed there before for my 50th birthday, and we like it cos the rooms are HUGE, well suites really with lots of antiques to give it a proper "country-house" feel. The room we're having has a bay on the front which allows you to look out down the length of the promenade, and is very close to the pier for a littel stroll out ... even if it is raining.

In fact, to ensure walking in all weathers we have bought ski pants, so there is no excuse, we have warm trousers that are both wind and waterproof ! Yay!

I've had my flu jab and will get my swine flu jab later on in the week next week.

Surgeon

2009-11-13T15:31:00.002Z

Went to see Mrs Hall this week .. she told me about the histology again. 11 or 12 lypmh nodes were taken out and they are all clear, so she was REALLY pleased about it ..

I guess this level of pleased-ness is all very relative, since the whole situation isn't making me feel too great, but on the sliding-scale of things she was expecting to find at this point it's clear she is taking an up-beat view! In short - it could hav been much worse!

New Car

2009-11-09T17:02:00.004Z

We toddled up to Wigan this weekend and came home in my "new" car. Of course it isn't literally new, but it is only four years old, and looks very new inside! It is a Honda Civic, three door version and with an automatic gear box. It is a metallic blue colour that we can live with!

The best thing about it is that the number plate is only one digit different to B's car number plate. Weird but true -- looks like we got matching plates only without spending any money on it!

Forward Planning

2009-11-03T21:19:00.004Z

The good news is the histology was back after the surgery and Mrs Hall has got it all out .. clean margins .. always good news. Also good is that they found nothing in the lymph glands ... and nothing in the lumps she thought they were suspicious in my old scar. Three goods!

Dr Adab can't see the point in a PET scan, cos the treatment ... chemotherapy ... would be the whatever any other scan showed. I need more chemo now, because there has been a substantial new growth on my bowel.

The hope is to contain the lesions on my lungs and stamp on anything else that was thinking of growing. He'll review progress with another scan in three months.

I asked him if this was my outlook for the rest of my life, and he said not every other week for the rest of my life, there will be breaks in the treatment, but yes, I can expect regular burst of chemo to contain the metastasis in the future.

The new regime is going to be slighly different. Still 5FU and avastin, but NOT oxaliplatin this time (the one that gives the peripheral neuropathy side effect). This time I'll be getting irinotecan - side effects: chronic gut pain, diarrhoea and if that wasn't enough - you get hair loss with this one too .. hey ho! Actually you can read the whole bloody page on some of these chemo drugs without spotting the bit that tells you what GOOD they're doing you ... I assume they're killing cancer cells ino the bargain.

The only redeeming feature to this is that I will be inside for two nights instead of three this time, and he wants us to carry on living our lives as normally as possible.

Right then.

Oncologist update

2009-11-03T08:26:00.003Z

I will be seeing Dr Adab this evening. Had a fairly restless night, not consciously thinking about it, but no doubt it was lurking in my mind.

It was in Brigid's subconscious mind, for sure. She had a very vivid dream where someone was breaking into our house and she went down to send them away. Which she did, and then she ran after them to get the keys back. Which they gave to her. The house was full of obstacles, but she was successful in her mission to keep us safe.

She sees this as symbolic of us trying to get rid of the intrusion of cancer into our lives. In dreams your house often seems to represent your feelings about what is closest to you, or your own soul.

It also reminds us of that time when she really did race after a guy who had sneakily stolen her handbag off the back of her chair when we were having a picnic in Park Guell (Barcelona), She somehow knew it was him in the crowds and ran about 80 metres to catch him. She made him give get her bag out of the bag he was carrying and got it back from him. Crazy woman!

This is exactly where we were sitting when it happened:

National Trust Fans

2009-11-02T11:25:00.008Z

Had a good day out at Sudbury Hall with Mark, Tracy and Luke. We found the pub in the village there suited us, The Vernon Arms, which was just the ticket for decent portions of good pub food at reasonable prices. The last time we went to Sudbury we turned the wrong way out of the car-park and ended up having our worst pub-lunch experience ... so we were nervous!)

After lunch the sun shone enough or us to walk around down to the lake at the Hall and through massive flocks of swans and various geese / duck types of birds (see I'm not taking up a new career as a twitcher!)

We had a good dayout. I am also recommending the coffee at the Hall cafe where we enjoyed a giant cafetiere and shared out Tracy's Thorntons mint chocs, hey ho to the diet resolution ... a great complement to the fish and chips I ate in the pub.

I thought I'd post these photos from an earlier jaunt out to Cougthton Court, we've been to a few National Trust places together this year, and sometimes we have a camera with us. This was just at the end of the summer hols.

1/2 term

2009-10-29T17:26:00.002Z

Have had a mixed week - pain and discomfort seemed to get worse for a bit, but that seems to have passed now. It's been lovely to have B around, and she has looked after me really well. We've done a fair bit of walking round Trentham and we're making progress on getting my car repaired so we can trade it in and get me my "new" car next week.

B's sister was here at the weekend and we are seeing my brother and family on Saturday. I'm hoping to do some walking with them.

Still no word on the future treatment options. I've been trying to sort out flu jabs and swine flu jabs to get some protection for the future.

one week out of hospital

2009-10-26T07:48:00.002Z

It's been a busy week, cos in between lazing around and watching TV I've had lots of visitors.

It was helpful to have mum and dad around during the week so B could continue to go to work and know that someone was taking care of me. We also saw my Aunty Barbara and Uncle Cliff during the week plus my bother came up last weekend and B's sister was here yesterday.

Various pals have also popped in to brighten my days, and that has been lovely.

I still feel as though a horse kicked my belly when I walk around much, but I've tried to get out and have been to Trentham three times - it really is a tonic, with the wide open spaces and ancient trees.

It's 1/2 term this week, so the lady wife will be fussing me and making sure I keep moving as well.

No news yet about when I might see Dr Adab to get news of the treatment plan.

Memories

2009-10-21T17:00:00.003+01:00

Getting up Mont Ventoux.

This was a challenge I set myself at some point last winter and I kept to a pretty strict diet and trained for hillclimbing so that I would be able to do this iconic climb this year.

Since my last operation (June 2008) I lost five stone! I climbed hills in the Peak District through the winter 2008-9, and did soem good distances in Scotland at Easter and Ireland in June with my eye on doing serious climbs this summer. I did this Mont Ventoux climb in August 2009.

I went 10 miles up it on the day the Tour went past and a few days later did the whole thing, that's about a mile up in the air (1912 metres above sea level) It is 16.5 miles of cycling uphill, with NO downs and no flat ridges. It took me a little over 2 hours 30 minutes. You cannot imagine how great that felt. There are lots of other cyclists there, but very few of them are women, or my age, or my size … even though I lost a lot of weight I’m still big for a cyclist … so it was a good feeling to be strong enough to do it, and pay a tribute to the good job my doctors did on getting me better!

It's a sad to realise that even as I did this the cancer was already growing again. I do so hope they can patch me up again.

My next goal is to do some climbs in the Pyrenees next summer. I've seen the Tour De France schedule for next year and the final week is in the Pyrenees with a Time Trial at Bordeaux. This is near where our good friends Lili and Bouclette live, so I am hoping to spend the first week of our holidays with them, see the Tour and do some Pyreneean climbs myself .... great plan eh!

This is the professional photo, if you click on it you get the large version.

One week post op

2009-10-20T10:07:00.004+01:00

I feel very well, considering. The pain is not a fraction of what I had to deal with after my first abdominal surgery, and I feel pretty good. Of course, last time was a much bigger op, deeper into my body and needing a stoma creation as well. Plus I'd been battered by radiation and chemo in the preceding weeks, so altogether lots of reasons for it to be worse then and better now.

Psychologically I am trying not to think what three visible secondaries might mean for me, long term. Spots on both sides of my lungs can only be bad news. I will see Dr Adab as soon as he's had histology results from my bowel tumour. I guess within a couple of week, and then he will be telling me his treatment plan.

I got the impression that chemo was the most likely route, as the spots are small and might go with chemo ..... but there was a passing mention of the option to deal with them surgically ... which is tricky with both sides being involved ... but then I am super-fit atm ...

Whatever, they certainly won't entertain surgery if they get a bad answer to the big unanswered question: are these three just the tip of a metastasizing mountain of mini-tumours seeded all about my abdomen? I'll probably have a PET scan to tell them that.

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/QAs/701.aspx

..

<>

back home

2009-10-16T16:29:00.001+01:00

I'm back, abit sore and tired ... obviously.

Dad, this is the BnB you coudl look at

http://www.kenwoodguesthousestoke.co.uk/

plan ahead

2009-10-15T10:36:00.000+01:00

I am wishing I was cycling in the sun with you Malc, but will settle for the memories of the summer in france, which was so great

... and the next year's tour schedule came out this week .. they are doing a time trial near our pals in Bordeaux, so that's next year's summer mapped out!

windy wilde!

2009-10-14T08:18:00.002+01:00

Good morning!

Suze is up and walking about trying to shift the discomfort in her belly.

Not as bad as last time though and she'll soon be on here herself reading all your comments and posting again. I look forward to hearing all about them later.

I'm off to work now

Enjoy your day

B xxxxx

LATEST NEWS

2009-10-13T09:51:00.002+01:00

Hi, Just spoken to Susan she is feeling fine , has seen three Drs' all pleased with the progress
she has had some breakfast and the staff are just geting her out of bed.
Dad.

GOOD NEWS

2009-10-12T17:59:00.002+01:00

Hello every one,
Susans op; took 2hrs' she is back on the ward ,and is ok.

Susan spoke to me and said she is feeling 'chipper' and is waiting to have a race with Brigid on her bike .
She has not had a colostromy bag fitted and is very pleased about that.
I spoke to Brigid and she is HAPPY BUNNY.
The doctor had no trouble removing the tumor it whas on the outside of the intestine and only a
small part of that needed removing .
Susan will be on chemo again for the two small sites on her lungs, and we all hope that treatment
will be as satisfactory as last time .
Good bye to you all for now, and many many thanks for all your kindnesses and best wishes.
DAD XXXX

monday

2009-10-12T09:11:00.002+01:00

wow - the sun is shinging! amazing..

I'm all packed up and ready to go, lots of bags, as usual ..
At least I've not had time to get scared about the surgery this time, with only a few days notice.

I also realised that I've been in the recovery room at the hospital four times before, so not only is FIVE an auspicious number, but I can mentally project myself there already and just bypass the bit where I am unconscious and imagine coming around and being cared for by the nurses.

My dad will update this later on this evening, whenever he gets some news from Brigid.
----------------------------------------

I started to re-read this blog last night, but there sure is a lot of it! and that's without reading all the comments.

I love comments, so if you are starting to read again, please don't be shy about adding a few words, just to let me know you're there.

----------------------------------------

lots of love

suze xxxxx

Trial run.

2009-10-12T07:03:00.002+01:00

Susan , I am having a go to see if it will work, just a one liner first ,here goes!!.

summer to celebrate

2009-10-10T08:09:00.005+01:00

Three years ago, when I first got a cancer diagnosis I was told my tumour was inoperable. But they found a way to shrink the bugger and treated it. Thanks to my medical team we have just had the most marvellous 12 months together, cancer free and very strong.

But I've always known this could happen again. The odds were there from the start. 66% -- as most of you know, these were not good odds. Part of the reason I've worked so hard on my health is so I could be physically strong in the event of secondaries coming back.

Now they are back I am trying to hold onto the wonder of the summer, and here is a photo to remind you all of where we got to: me and my lovely wife on the top of mont ventoux

.. and where I am aiming to be again, next summer:

cobwebs swept off

2009-10-07T22:10:00.000+01:00

here we go again, folks

surgery on Monday ....

nearly october

2009-09-07T07:28:00.001+01:00

oooh - I can't seem to quite retire this thing!

I just flicked over the calander last week and saw that my annual scan / bloods Dr Adab do-dah is scheduled for 1st and 6th October .. I sort of had it in my head it would be around 1/2 term, and it seems very SOON for it to be here again already ..

It made me a bit mopey for a while ... 66% chance of secondaries in the first two year .. gaaaah ... his voice still echoes in my head with that scuzzy statistic .. and yes yes, I know it's only a statistic . .. I remember the lampost analogy as well .. but this is the two year check

gaaaaah ..

Anyway .. can you believe it, two years since the chemo finished? And they have been a very good two years. I've loved going back to work part-time and I am mentally strong and physically as fit as I've ever been.

To have faith in the future we've started looking ahead to our Christmas holiday -- thinking we'll do something like last year, jet off to some sunshine and more cycling .. yay!

And if my general state of health has any relation to my innards, I am fine, really fine .. thoroughly enjoying life, really enjoying being fit and geting great pleasure from zipping about on my new bike.

one more thing to celebrate

2008-11-03T17:27:00.004Z

Yup - my innards are clear, no sign of any new polyps growing so my surgeon has announced that she doesn't need to see me now for FIVE YEARS! I take this to be very good news.

So on that up-beat note, I extend a massive thanks to everyone who has read the blog, and especially to the regular contributors to the comments section ... It has been great fun keeping in touch via the blog. It's proved a very easy way of telling lots of people who wanted to know what we were up to.

It's also allowed family and friends to keep in touch easily, and the support we've had over the past two years has been amazing. I've also made some great new friends and rekindled relationships with older ones as a direct result of this journey.

We have both really appreciated the support, but we are now both more than happy to sink back into normality ... not withstanding that I will always be Toby's celebrity relative, and Joe's very own Cruella DeVille, can you believe a boy like Joe could call me that?

I know that cancer never really goes away, or at least the fear of it never does, and it could still come back and bite me hard .. but while it is in remission and looking clear set for a while, it is no longer important to me, and I want to stop thinking about it

I think I might keep the fitness and spiritual ones ticking over, in a 1/2 baked way, simply cos the fitness one serves as a reminder to me of recipes and stuff that I want to remember .. and being spiritual is always important. But for the most part, what is in this blog is stuff I really want to forget now. Forget and leave behind in its own time and space.

It was weird going back to theatre today .. it certainly did remind me that the last time I did that journey for a colonoscopy I got told the news about my tumour. I felt sick, and apprehensive all over again, but this time there was no need. We don't need reminding of that fear and apprehension anymore.

Bye bye bloggers and thanks a million.

xxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxx
xxxxx

One more test

2008-11-02T12:07:00.002Z

Today I am doing that de-tox thing .. no food and extra laxatives ..

I am trying to persuade myself it is a good boost to the weight loss diet after 1/2 term of over-eating! We had a lovely time in Lyme ... the weather was cold, of course, but some nice bright mornings and not too much rain so we got in some walks along the seaside. Great. Our flat had a lovely view over The Cobb too, which we appreciated very much.

I am hoping tomorrow's tests are just routine, and then back to work and more normal life... I think this really is the time to retire this blog ... assuming all is well tomorrow I am ready to retire it now. Normal life doesn't need a regular update.

clear

2008-10-15T06:00:00.001+01:00

clear scan, one year from the end of treatment.
clear blood results, one year from the end of treatment

clearly good news

comedy moments - football

2008-10-05T13:54:00.002+01:00

Go see this on Youtube, it got a mention in today's paper ... the best free kick, ever, from Coventry in 1970.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjq2xT-tx38&feature=related

live your life

2008-10-03T14:17:00.002+01:00

"live your life" (regulars will recognise that as my oncologist's favourite mantra ...)

I'll be seeing him later this month, and I think you also know that I'm dreading the scan next week, basically fearing the loss of the life I've only just got back,

SO I am really tring to hold onto the notion that we (ALL) only live one second at a time .. and we have to make every effort to just enjoy what we are doing, whatever it is ..

Following this train of thought, I took my eternity ring into the jewellers for re-sizing yesterday. She was really reluctant to do it cos I am still losing weight, and it will need to be done again ..

Well the ring is literally cutting my finger, being so loose and BIG and heavy as it swings about, it actually isn't fun to wear it ... so, I either can't wear it or I can get it fixed .. why put the ring in a box? Why not do what I can to enjoy it now? especially since B bought if for me after my diagnosis ...

The jeweller really didn't understand but I reckon this is a typical cancer patient's way of thinking, isn't it? ... she was thinking it was a waste of money, no doubt, and I could get it done when I've reached my target weight .. haha

Pleased with myself

2008-09-27T14:52:00.001+01:00

I am -- see fitness blog for the reason why!

Complacent

2008-09-22T10:37:00.002+01:00

Two of my internet pals, women whom I've met through sharing an experience of bowel cancer, have been in touch to tell me that they are ill again. It's chilling news, and underlines the fear that stops me feeling complacent about my current good fortune.

I seem to be in a constant sort of double-think. e.g. I was just prepping some stuff for my students, and thinking about how I am going to set our a tight schedule and keep them on target etc .. and yet underneath that optimistic planning is the thought: "If that scan in OK ..."

And we fancy a sunny break at Christmas, but we can't book that yet. It will the top of my things to do list as soon as I get an all-clear in October! Or should I wait for my colonscopy in November?

Back to work, proper-like

2008-09-18T21:04:00.003+01:00

I am really enjoying my new timetable. It's enough to do for me, and it's engaging, without taking over my whole life 24/7 like it used to. I'm loving the opportunity to be back there, and the team is HUGE now, with MEN!! What's the world coming to, eh?

I guess the pleasure I'm getting from being back is making me feel more apprehensive than I have before about the tests and scans I need to have next month. I now have a really strong feelng that I DON'T want to lose this comfort again ..where as when I was IN treatment, there was more a sense of resignation, that that was what I was used to, my norm, I guess.

I've achieved my main objective today, which was to get Dr A's agreement that I need a CT scan next month ..well he doesn't "agree" that I need it -- with his magical x-ray eyes he knows it will be alright .. but to set my mind at rest he is going to order a scan for me ... a date with Huw. This might seem contradictory, to what I wrote above ... but Dr A's opinion twelvemonths ago, that there was a "high risk of secondaries in the first year after treatment" is still not far from my thoughts. I want the re-assurance of a proper look He was planning bloods alone, and I didn't think that was going to calm me down .. my cancer never particularly showed in my blood in the first place! Having got the CT scan pencilled in makes me feel calmer, for now at least!

sunny times

2008-09-02T17:09:00.002+01:00

around the hotel

2008-09-02T15:00:00.003+01:00

still life

2008-09-02T14:19:00.002+01:00

wildlife

2008-09-02T14:09:00.002+01:00

holiday town

2008-09-02T13:55:00.002+01:00

Holiday Snaps - at last

2008-09-02T13:38:00.002+01:00

me n the missis soaking up the sun:

Super Saturday

2008-08-24T10:36:00.001+01:00

We are in London. Went to see Charlton play. B's dad got me the ticket for my birthday pressie ... it was a great seat and a great game. Very exciting, three highly dubious penalty decisions, a total of 6 goals and a sending off!

I was pleased to see Stoke open their winning account with a good game against Villa -- c'mon you reds!

holiday time

2008-08-10T16:18:00.002+01:00

Long time, no see in here! Most readers will probably know that B and I skipped off for a couple of weeks in the sun, recently. Hence no posting! We went to a small island next to Rovinj in Croatia. We had the most marvellous relaxing time with lots of variety of activity including a trip to Venice for a few hours!

I will put photos up as soon as I get them edited, which seems to be taking me a while. I have 230 to work on, so be warned! Meanwhile you could look at This hotel, which is where we stayed. These seven photos of Rovinj, will give you an idea. Or this longer selection is good too.

I think I was pretty brave, taking a trip so few weeks after my last op, but it all went pretty well. A few dreary extended toilet dramas, but generally it was fine, we ate well, exercised a bit each day and came back no heavier than when we set off.

I feel as though I've got my body back form cancer now. Very liberating.

monkey bizness

2008-07-13T11:26:00.004+01:00

I have tried to upload my latest groovy monkey pictures a few times recently .. finally got the first lot to show -- below -- there are a set of pics of the baby that is only a couple of weeks old to post as well. I will try to do them later in the week.

In the meantime - you might like to check out my latest entry on my fitness blog .. it is a bit of a rant!
hehe

http://suzeblogfitness.blogspot.com/

xxxxx

monkey world

2008-07-10T18:35:00.004+01:00

dont forget, if you click on the picture you get a bigger version.

Liverpool

2008-07-08T22:54:00.002+01:00

Have passport, will travel. YAY!

Spent the day in Liverpool today, waiting for my new passport so I can go away in 2 weeks time! ( Check out my "take heart" blog for the way that struck me.)

Liverpool looks very "glamorous" in the city centre these days, and the lambananas all over the place added a smile to the whole enterprise.

I had been very nervy about driving into the city and finding the Passport Office, etc for a 9.30 a.m. appointment, but I managed it. I got up at 5.30 to give myself plenty of time in the morning, and only had four public-loo calls while I was out .. not too bad at all! It was a good chance to test the theory that I CAN travel and I was pleased with it.

We're also sticking well to the eating plan. Baked trout for tea, baked Greek-style with onion and tomatoes and herbs, with aspargasus and broccoli on the side .. lovely!

I am totally whacked out now - fell asleep in the chair for ages this evening.

By popular demand

2008-07-06T07:46:00.004+01:00

Good Morning, Margaret, 'ey up Ali, and a general big hello to anyone else at college who still bobs into the blog ...

Actually, things are already massively better --- I have been able to control myself much better already and I started to go into work lasts week. I have done loads with Stewart towards polishing up our act for the new term, new syllabus .. which was great ..

I'm still officially "off-sick" but have worked a lot at home and bobbed into college three times. It feels better than having a huge gap to Sept. By then it will have been two whole years faffing about with this disease .. I got my diagnosis at the beginnning of Sept 2006. Hopefully this is the end of it.

I can't quite believe it, but on the basis that I can now generally manage a few hours away from a quick loo call I've booked us a two week holiday in Croatia -- WOOOOH!!!
it looks like a nice sunny place where we can really stop, and enjoy relaxing and getting strong again.

Towards getting strong, I am eating the Super Foods diet plan for a healthy digestive system ... it is a challenge of massive amounts of chopping and raw veg and salads, but it seems to be working really well, and I feel great on it -- plus there is some sign of the three stone I've put on in two years actually shifting a bit .. which always feels good ...

P.S. -- one of my mates said yesterday that I am the fattest cancer patient she's ever seen! She's got a point!

As predicted

2008-06-26T07:00:00.002+01:00

This is proving pretty dull .. tho at least I have got over the fear that I will always be house-bound by my erratic new-bowel function .... it is a lot less painful already and the sense of urgency is, well, less "urgent" now .... adn I think I will be able to manage life outside these four walls again at some point ...

But it is far from "normal". I am still going to the loo about 14 times a day .. and there haven't been two days the same so far ... sometimes the loo-run is concentrated into a spell of two or three hours, sometimes it is spread out at hourly intervals ...

sometimes I'm trapped in there in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon and sometimes in the night sometimes I go quite a while with no action ...

Still not even a month on from the op, and it IS a great relief that I do feel as though I've got a bit of control ever it ... but yup, it is DULL!

We can't plan anything much yet .. which is a torment with the summer just around the corner - but travel is still an impossibilty with things the way they are just yet ...

Legitimate theft.

2008-06-19T11:27:00.003+01:00

Here's another joke -- though far from funny

Actually I am hopping mad today reading about those Tory MPS ~~ Mr and Mrs Winterton (who used to be my MPs when I lived Cheshire way) --> and they are getting away with a "legitimate" swindle of 130,000 quid on their "allowances" .. which just makes me squeal with indignation .

While out here in the real world the Job Centre Plus is referring my overpayment of benefits to "debt managment" for the mighty sum of 300 quid .. and when the overpayment is cleared my incapacity benefit is going to be a whopping 84 quid a week .. ooh, how would the Wintertons mange their personal budget on that, I wonder?

I cant, really, find the words to express my hatred and contempt for all the MPs who cheerfully exploit the MP's allowances system, and that pretty posing pair, in particular, make me heave ....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/jun/19/conservatives.houseofcommons

dreary droney days

2008-06-17T23:08:00.005+01:00

hmmmmpph

I'm already bored of toilet training, even though the prognosis was always "it takes months not days to establish a managable pattern (..............if you ever actually do)" ... Even though I was warned about it, actually living it? yup, it is ~ ~ TOUGH ~ ~

I feel pretty captive and as though my life is in a limbo .. and I dread the idea that my quality of life might carry on like this, which is really just worse than at any other point in the last couple of years of symptoms and then treatment!

PLUS The weather aint very great so I can't really benefit much from the garden ..

PLUJS I can't see what there is going to be to post about for a while .. this sort of captive thing is going to be a bit repetitious ..

Does anyone know any jokes?

Actually: here's a relevant / topical one from today's letters page in the Grauniad:

I always thought an innuendo was an Italian suppository

-------------------------------------

Toilet Towers

2008-06-12T16:30:00.002+01:00

OK, don't worry -- I'm not going to record every detail of this process, suffice to say that it is not very easy, and I am already bored of it!

It was better at the start of the week, when the sun was shining and I could at least sit out in between the toilet-treks... now it's less attractive, though I did manage an hour at Trentham after I went to get my stitches removed, which was good.

Sometimes there are quite long periods of internal inactivity .. the problem is the bursts of activity are unpredictable and last for two or more hours .... which is the fact that keeps me close to home and fearful even when I am out.

What's good is that when it's OK it feels pretty OK - my tummy isn't too sore after the op and my general health is pretty good ... in particular I am much less weary than when I was house-bound with the chemo for most of last year .. but then I'm not actually making any demands on my body or brain yet!