Resigned

Another land-mark. I have officially resigned as Head of English at college and expressed the desire to work only part time next year. I am pleased about it, and know this is the right decision for me, but just occasionally I get a huge side-swipe of emotion that just makes me cry about it. I've hardly cried about anything to do with ME this year (other ppl's stories and TV drama have been safer vents for my weepy moments) but stuff to do with work ALWAYS sets me off.

I dunno - I don't see myself as "career-mad". I think I only applied for the job in the first place as a way of avoiding being bosssed about by a muppet! Since that rather reluctant start I like to think that I did a good job of managing the team and supporting all those students over the years. I will miss that side of it.

It's not as if I'm losing my job altogether, I can still do good lessons and make resources ... so why does it feel so sad? (thanks to Ann H for "being there" for me on Monday!)

Cancer eats away at your life, inside and out. It has unexpected repercussions and implications.

Some people might wonder why I am making that change anyway. There are two other women at work who have had cancer and kept their HoD jobs going, so why can't I?

I think it is mainly about the prognosis issue. Having a good prognosis would (maybe) feel different, but having a grim prognosis encourages me to make choices. That, and actually: just the luxury of a debt-free existance and a supportive partner means I CAN make this choice. Really it is a privilege to be able to change tempo in your life. Four other ppl in the English Dept have done this over the past ten years without being "ill" to prompt them into it. I no longer want to give 70 hours a week to a job and I am am happy, really, to make the change ..