I also missed Mr K this week, swanning around in the sun in Scotland. This time last year we were up there together and B and I are jealous of the lovely rides he is doing.
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I am pursuing early retirement for ill-health now, a very tough decision but I think the right one. It feels like arguing against myself ... you know what I mean?
I went back to college when I was in remission, and really enjoyed it, but things are different now, and I can't see me pushing myself to it again ... my new bowel configuration is the tin-lid on it, really, cos you can't teach from the loo ... to say nothing of the repeated chemo and its side-effects, of course.
My occupational (teacher's) pension (TPA) will pay out on ill-health grounds if they accept that I am:
a) unable to work
b) this condition is permenant ...
The paperwork depends very heavily on what my oncologist says ... I think he needs to know more about my erratic bowel action before he fills in the form, cos we never talk about it (what's the point!) except now there IS a point, he needs to know so that he can fill in these forms ..
I've already done some of what the TPA like you to do first, i.e. step down to an easier job (used to be head of a large dept) and also gone very part-time (currently only earn a 1/3 of what I was on 4 years ago!) so I've shown willingness to continue while it looked like I could staying remission .. so that should help my case.
I saw the occupational health doctor on Tuesday, and he agreed that I am unfit for work. I cried a fair bit, I must admit.
14 comments:
Simple on the surface as you say, suze, but hard to accept emotionally. Wishing you lots of luck with the next stage of bureaucracy.
I've sent a packet through the post for you to open now or during your next chemo, a bit like an unseasonal stocking at the end of your bed!
Anne (guppy) xx
Hi Sue, its a big thing giving up work, It was strange really when I gave up I thought it would be awful, but to be honest I didnt really miss it. I enrolled in charity shops as a volunteer great stuff for forgeting work, and the daily pressure, not that Im thinking you would want to do that you have the shed to keep you going. I did some more gardening today,it was sunny but a cool breeze every now and then.Dad took me to Tesco in the car Ineeded one or two heavy things so appreciated the lift.Well I seem to be making a few mistakes so bye for now L M xxxxxxxxx
yes , certainly a big emotional step. I remember us being appointed on the same day - there were 4 us chasing 2 available posts back in 1991. You were so keen to work there as was I and it's been a large part of the fabric of our lives ever since. Your going will be a loss esp to the students who u always served so well but u deserve some me time and B time to focus on getting well. Xx
thanks Cathy - there were a lot of us starting that Sept who are still there! Does this mean we've done 19 years at the college - you always know this better than me!
I've loved working there, and think a lot of ppl who complain are a bit blinkered about what it is like in other places .. but lets not get into that here!
I am very sorry in one way but very excited in another. It will be good to have the chance to put my health first in the years I have left to me ... hopefully many, but no-one can tell, really.
Hi Suze, having just been thru the Occupational Health thing to get back into teaching, albeit part time, i think you have made a good move. i'm in my 40s but have only been teaching for 6years so financially going for early retirement isn't an option. So plugging away with the part time thing purely because of the finance issues. Totally empathise with the emotional issues associated with work but still think focusing on your health and having more time with loved ones is a great way ahead. Wishing you all the best, love Rosy
Hi Suze, I'm just catching up on your blog to see how you are. It must be such a difficult and emotional decision to give up work, but as a teacher myself I know how much of yourself you have to give to the job. You only taught me for my two years at college (92' - 94) but your amazing teaching and enthusiasm gave me the passion for English - as you have done with so many others since. But you now need to think of number one. Take care x
My guardian angel, once careless and free,
flew into the clouds and lost touch with me.
Her tears were cold and wet, falling on my face.
Her smile had left us without a trace.
Her angelic lips quivered, frozen and scared,
I felt rain clouds visiting, and had to prepare.
I knew that angels, often content,
were very special presents that God had sent.
To see one so sad,
so afraid,
so alone,
had made me weep while the cold winds had blown.
Her wings lost feathers,
comforting and soft,
falling from the stars,
floating aloft.
Her pain was felt throughout the land,
to feel true misery is impossible to stand.
I prayed so that when her hurting stops,
I'll be able to taste the angel's teardrops.
Thanks, Ali, that's very sweet of you to say ...
hi suze... have been following your blog quietly here as have had quite a winter myself, not with my health but with that of 2 dear friends in my own town...
but have been thinking of you every day too and cheering you on in this latest round of chemo and cheering especially your efforts to find relaxations and joys and times with B. and family and friends.
i chime in now coz your big decision to go for retirement on health grounds can't go unmentioned! i know it's a big decision and a big shift, for you've been brilliant and dedicated in your work in teaching and shepherding other teachers, and you've really made a mark on that college and on all your friends all over who love young people, literature and teaching!
i do applaud your decision though to open up the time and direct your focus more totally to your health challenges, to handling all the aspects of managing the cancer and vanquishing it for years to come, and for as much time as possible!
i know you will get over the paperwork and then live this opening in your life with determination and grace and joy and dedicated energy. and i hope for another remission!
you keep taking care and know that i too am among your many friends rooting for you!
much love
xoxo
erín in montreal
hello! it must have been very hard to go through this but you know this is the right decision! And there is a lot more things to look forward to and focus on! crying is good - cleanses and refreshes! :-)
Thinking of you and hope to see you soon! Lots of love, Kasia xxx
Susan
can I come and see you on a Friday at some time between 10 and 2.30 ? This Fri , next Friday ??
Hi
yes, great idea, this Friday I think I am seeing Anna .. but next Friday will be good ...
Ok. Pencil me in for the 30th then.
Hi Sue, Yes it is a big emotional thing retiring. It is more difficult when it is a career you have chosen & loved. But naturally, it is the right decision, & your free time can be spent with enrichment for yourself & others. I do hope you enjoy your retirement & I know you have to accommodate those chemo visits, but in between that, I believe you'll adjust to a useful life.
Lots of love. Cousin Pauline. xxx
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