Sad about Sandra

I've just heard the news that a friend I've known for 30 years has died this week, after her bowel cancer operation.

Sandra was a mentor for me in my early 20s when I was learning the ropes in my first jobs in community work and with the Workers' Education Association in Hanley. She was a few years older than me, and I really looked up to her as an inspiration in terms of her political awareness, feminism, local activism and also her sense of fun and ability to enjoy a night in the pub!

We used to see each other very often in our campaigning and trade-union activities and I learnt a great deal from her. We even spent a weekend in a hotel room together at a Trade Union conference in Blackpool in the early 80s. She really kept me under her wing and tried to save me from my own naivety at times like this, mixing as we were with older and probably predatory chaps!!

Time went by and we lost touch, only recently getting back in contact last year.

When we met up again, or talked on the phone, it was as though those years melted away and we got on as easily as we ever had. In the late spring of 2009 we arranged to meet for the first time and she was telling me about her various symptoms even then. For some reasons, lost in the mists of NHS mistakes, a proper diagnosis of advanced cancer wasn't made until around Christmas. It's hard to believe that we've had this same diagnosis and the same surgeon in common now.

Sadly Sandra only surfaced from her operation for a brief few days, before complications set in and she was taken into HDU. I understand that she never regained consciousness.

I am sorry that our re-aquaintance was only short, we had planned little trips together since she was already retired from work and I have time to occupy now that I work part-time. Unfortunately my own cancer came back to stop one of our planned lunches in October and we had anotehr one pencilled in for this week which will never happen now.

I am sad that we will not be able to rekindle more of our closeness, but I am really glad that Kelvin fixed it for us to meet up again after all those years. I am glad that I was able to tell her how important she seemed to me as a young woman, and how much of a pedestal I had her on. She was still great company and could laugh and entertain with yarns as well as she ever did and I would say she really hadn't changed much in 30 years. Even her trademark eye-liner was in place.

When her husband joined us it was also immediately obvious that their relationship was still vibrant and close. They've been together for 30 years. Sandra was a warm and energetic woman, and he will miss her dreadfully. If there is one thing worse than dying, in my opinion, it is being the one left behind from a close and loving partnership. Everything around him will resonate with loss and absence.

My heart goes out to him and her son today and in the future.

xxxxx


RIP SANDRA