nearly october

oooh - I can't seem to quite retire this thing!

I just flicked over the calander last week and saw that my annual scan / bloods Dr Adab do-dah is scheduled for 1st and 6th October .. I sort of had it in my head it would be around 1/2 term, and it seems very SOON for it to be here again already ..

It made me a bit mopey for a while ... 66% chance of secondaries in the first two year .. gaaaah ... his voice still echoes in my head with that scuzzy statistic .. and yes yes, I know it's only a statistic . .. I remember the lampost analogy as well .. but this is the two year check

gaaaaah ..

Anyway .. can you believe it, two years since the chemo finished? And they have been a very good two years. I've loved going back to work part-time and I am mentally strong and physically as fit as I've ever been.

To have faith in the future we've started looking ahead to our Christmas holiday -- thinking we'll do something like last year, jet off to some sunshine and more cycling .. yay!

And if my general state of health has any relation to my innards, I am fine, really fine .. thoroughly enjoying life, really enjoying being fit and geting great pleasure from zipping about on my new bike.

:)

one more thing to celebrate

Yup - my innards are clear, no sign of any new polyps growing so my surgeon has announced that she doesn't need to see me now for FIVE YEARS! I take this to be very good news.

So on that up-beat note, I extend a massive thanks to everyone who has read the blog, and especially to the regular contributors to the comments section ... It has been great fun keeping in touch via the blog. It's proved a very easy way of telling lots of people who wanted to know what we were up to.

It's also allowed family and friends to keep in touch easily, and the support we've had over the past two years has been amazing. I've also made some great new friends and rekindled relationships with older ones as a direct result of this journey.

We have both really appreciated the support, but we are now both more than happy to sink back into normality ... not withstanding that I will always be Toby's celebrity relative, and Joe's very own Cruella DeVille, can you believe a boy like Joe could call me that?

I know that cancer never really goes away, or at least the fear of it never does, and it could still come back and bite me hard .. but while it is in remission and looking clear set for a while, it is no longer important to me, and I want to stop thinking about it

I think I might keep the fitness and spiritual ones ticking over, in a 1/2 baked way, simply cos the fitness one serves as a reminder to me of recipes and stuff that I want to remember .. and being spiritual is always important. But for the most part, what is in this blog is stuff I really want to forget now. Forget and leave behind in its own time and space.

It was weird going back to theatre today .. it certainly did remind me that the last time I did that journey for a colonoscopy I got told the news about my tumour. I felt sick, and apprehensive all over again, but this time there was no need. We don't need reminding of that fear and apprehension anymore.

Bye bye bloggers and thanks a million.

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One more test

Today I am doing that de-tox thing .. no food and extra laxatives ..

I am trying to persuade myself it is a good boost to the weight loss diet after 1/2 term of over-eating! We had a lovely time in Lyme ... the weather was cold, of course, but some nice bright mornings and not too much rain so we got in some walks along the seaside. Great. Our flat had a lovely view over The Cobb too, which we appreciated very much.

I am hoping tomorrow's tests are just routine, and then back to work and more normal life... I think this really is the time to retire this blog ... assuming all is well tomorrow I am ready to retire it now. Normal life doesn't need a regular update.

clear

clear scan, one year from the end of treatment.
clear blood results, one year from the end of treatment

clearly good news

comedy moments - football

Go see this on Youtube, it got a mention in today's paper ... the best free kick, ever, from Coventry in 1970.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjq2xT-tx38&feature=related

live your life

"live your life" (regulars will recognise that as my oncologist's favourite mantra ...)

I'll be seeing him later this month, and I think you also know that I'm dreading the scan next week, basically fearing the loss of the life I've only just got back,

SO I am really tring to hold onto the notion that we (ALL) only live one second at a time .. and we have to make every effort to just enjoy what we are doing, whatever it is ..

Following this train of thought, I took my eternity ring into the jewellers for re-sizing yesterday. She was really reluctant to do it cos I am still losing weight, and it will need to be done again ..

Well the ring is literally cutting my finger, being so loose and BIG and heavy as it swings about, it actually isn't fun to wear it ... so, I either can't wear it or I can get it fixed .. why put the ring in a box? Why not do what I can to enjoy it now? especially since B bought if for me after my diagnosis ...

The jeweller really didn't understand but I reckon this is a typical cancer patient's way of thinking, isn't it? ... she was thinking it was a waste of money, no doubt, and I could get it done when I've reached my target weight .. haha

Pleased with myself

I am -- see fitness blog for the reason why!

Complacent

Two of my internet pals, women whom I've met through sharing an experience of bowel cancer, have been in touch to tell me that they are ill again. It's chilling news, and underlines the fear that stops me feeling complacent about my current good fortune.

I seem to be in a constant sort of double-think. e.g. I was just prepping some stuff for my students, and thinking about how I am going to set our a tight schedule and keep them on target etc .. and yet underneath that optimistic planning is the thought: "If that scan in OK ..."

And we fancy a sunny break at Christmas, but we can't book that yet. It will the top of my things to do list as soon as I get an all-clear in October! Or should I wait for my colonscopy in November?

Back to work, proper-like

I am really enjoying my new timetable. It's enough to do for me, and it's engaging, without taking over my whole life 24/7 like it used to. I'm loving the opportunity to be back there, and the team is HUGE now, with MEN!! What's the world coming to, eh?

I guess the pleasure I'm getting from being back is making me feel more apprehensive than I have before about the tests and scans I need to have next month. I now have a really strong feelng that I DON'T want to lose this comfort again ..where as when I was IN treatment, there was more a sense of resignation, that that was what I was used to, my norm, I guess.

I've achieved my main objective today, which was to get Dr A's agreement that I need a CT scan next month ..well he doesn't "agree" that I need it -- with his magical x-ray eyes he knows it will be alright .. but to set my mind at rest he is going to order a scan for me ... a date with Huw. This might seem contradictory, to what I wrote above ... but Dr A's opinion twelvemonths ago, that there was a "high risk of secondaries in the first year after treatment" is still not far from my thoughts. I want the re-assurance of a proper look He was planning bloods alone, and I didn't think that was going to calm me down .. my cancer never particularly showed in my blood in the first place! Having got the CT scan pencilled in makes me feel calmer, for now at least!

sunny times

around the hotel

still life

wildlife

holiday town

Holiday Snaps - at last

me n the missis soaking up the sun:

Super Saturday

We are in London. Went to see Charlton play. B's dad got me the ticket for my birthday pressie ... it was a great seat and a great game. Very exciting, three highly dubious penalty decisions, a total of 6 goals and a sending off!

I was pleased to see Stoke open their winning account with a good game against Villa -- c'mon you reds!

holiday time

Long time, no see in here! Most readers will probably know that B and I skipped off for a couple of weeks in the sun, recently. Hence no posting! We went to a small island next to Rovinj in Croatia. We had the most marvellous relaxing time with lots of variety of activity including a trip to Venice for a few hours!

I will put photos up as soon as I get them edited, which seems to be taking me a while. I have 230 to work on, so be warned! Meanwhile you could look at This hotel, which is where we stayed. These seven photos of Rovinj, will give you an idea. Or this longer selection is good too.

I think I was pretty brave, taking a trip so few weeks after my last op, but it all went pretty well. A few dreary extended toilet dramas, but generally it was fine, we ate well, exercised a bit each day and came back no heavier than when we set off.

I feel as though I've got my body back form cancer now. Very liberating.

monkey bizness

I have tried to upload my latest groovy monkey pictures a few times recently .. finally got the first lot to show -- below -- there are a set of pics of the baby that is only a couple of weeks old to post as well. I will try to do them later in the week.


In the meantime - you might like to check out my latest entry on my fitness blog .. it is a bit of a rant!
hehe

http://suzeblogfitness.blogspot.com/


xxxxx

monkey world

dont forget, if you click on the picture you get a bigger version.

Liverpool

Have passport, will travel. YAY!

Spent the day in Liverpool today, waiting for my new passport so I can go away in 2 weeks time! ( Check out my "take heart" blog for the way that struck me.)

Liverpool looks very "glamorous" in the city centre these days, and the lambananas all over the place added a smile to the whole enterprise.

I had been very nervy about driving into the city and finding the Passport Office, etc for a 9.30 a.m. appointment, but I managed it. I got up at 5.30 to give myself plenty of time in the morning, and only had four public-loo calls while I was out .. not too bad at all! It was a good chance to test the theory that I CAN travel and I was pleased with it.

We're also sticking well to the eating plan. Baked trout for tea, baked Greek-style with onion and tomatoes and herbs, with aspargasus and broccoli on the side .. lovely!

I am totally whacked out now - fell asleep in the chair for ages this evening.