this is
this is the hardest so far.
Only one chemo to go .. and I feel as though my life is in a sort of limbo ... I'm scheduled to have chemo next week, 2-4th Oct then the SCAN the week after, Oct 11th, if it all goes to plan.
.. basically it feels like we're hunkering down together and waiting for the next stage of our lives to announce itself, probably on Oct 12th (day I should see Dr Adab for the scan results).
We're going away to Scotland for 1/2 term, whatever he says, and then the rest of our lives will kick back in, either full of renewed hope and planning to recover from the last year or resigned to more and more treatment ..
For B, back to work after 1/2 term is going to mean a difficult time at school cos her boss has got to have some surgery and will be off till Christmas..... it would be so nice not to be adding any more to her "work-load" ...
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Part of what makes it hard is the fear that if this scan brings bad news the situation so far will have been a breeze compared to entering a phase of having cancer as a chronic condition.
I am afraid of that.
It's hard this is,
it's the hardest so far.
21 comments:
I'm sorry Sue. This is one hell of a weird other worldly time of waiting. Our love is with you always
Thinking and hoping, and wishing and praying - as I believe the words of the Gene Pitney song went!
Celia F.
I really wish we could all take away a little bit of this from you, just ease it a little bit. With you in spirit though, lots of good wishes
anninbristol xx
Ya see, what we have to understand is that physical illness needs emotional tendering as well as convential treatment...and as we near the end of the practical stuff, the "what if's" start to dominate our thoughts and scare us..this is a much harder deal than anyone can realise... you hang in there Suze... and we will hang in there with you..xxxxx
Thinking of you, you are nearly there. Don't give up hope.
Tassi x
Susan never fear little Mummys here, will be over next week to see you.Your lovely Auntie Barb is leting us stay at their house, for a couple of nights.We will fetch you out of the hospital on Thursday.
Lots of love to both of youL M xxxxx
as always time rewrites all things
Best of luck Susan.Whatever happens ,the treatment will be there, irksome and horrible as it must be , it's certainly allowing you to LIVE with your illness ( as the blog so clearly testifies ) . As for B and workload ( acting head ) , can she not say " no " under the circumstances ? If people want things done , they always ask a busy person but there's no prizes for being superwoman.
well, tbh there isn't really anyone who can seriously do it, apart from her
if she's fit to go to work she'll be better in the role than not
and if she's *not* fit to go to work come alternative will have to be found ..
Cor blimey what is it with us , we went for eye tests last Fri, then on wed they said the lenses were back trouble is they hadnt put the anti glare stuff on Dads. I went today to collect mine and they had put the wrong bifocal on them so they have gone back to where ever they send them.
Gosh I thought i would do this blog in two halves but what a palava Ive had.I couldnt get the second half off to you.I will just say I will just say I send all our love to you Sue and dont flag at the last post. Bye for now L M xxxxxxxxxx
I second what Jan says!Hang on there! it must all be well, it simply must!
Love to you both xxx
I love you and I'm here for you both no matter what.
*kisses and Darcy hugs*
xx
Oh Sue. If prayer really does move mountains (of doubt) then we will all pray like mad.
If love can cure all ills, then you will be cured.
If it is true that God has a plan for us all,then I am sure he has planned that you will hang on in there to continue being a star. A very brave lady.
Lots of love. Cousin Pauline. xx
It is a weird time alright.
To return to your sailing analogies, right now there's a storm forecast. It may be the worst one on record. High seas, high winds, high terror, etc. So it's wise to batten down hatches, and make ready.
But it could pass you by completely. Maybe leaving you becalmed!
I expect you know this quote, 'we have nothing to fear but fear itself'? Well, I hope that proves to be true.
As for Brigid being Acting Head, I presume that at any other time this would be a good thing?
Another quote to close, 'respect has to be earned'. Well, I think you've both earned it.
X X X X X
Hi Sue and Brigid, just a quickie to say we hope you are both O K. will see you soon.
I was down looking after T and J last night they are so lovely, we watched Ant and Dec then a tape with you have been framad and we all laughed alot.
Came home in a taxi I think the bloke was wearing flowery perfume or was it our Julies they had come back in the same car.
Bye for now just going to start prepareing our tea, lots of love L M xxxxxx
That'll be No5 Mum.
Thanks for boy sitting last night.
Sue and Brigid, thinking about you both even more than usual this week.
Hi Susan
I'm not sure I have anything very useful to add to what others have already said here. But I'm still here reading the blog, and I'm thinking of you, and I'll be doing that even more over the next few weeks.
Lots of love,
Greg. xxx
thanks folks -- B wants it said that she might *not have the title of acting head -- but none the less the boss won't be there for 1/2 a term and it's not an easy post to fill with a temp or anyone who isn't up to speed with how the school is run ...
It's so hard for B. having a job , a demanding job no doubt , to hold down while you are at home . The nature of the cancer beast is that most partners are retired when it hits and can stay at home with loved ones . Maybe,in its way , other responsibilities can help one cope emotionally and all carers do need a break of some sort.I hope she's coping ok.
As for Oct 12th - a cruel wait - take each day as it comes and carry on making the most of life because it's true for us all , fit and healthy , each day will never come again but the happy memories ( if I may pinch a cheesy yet apt phrase from Gladiator ) will echo into eternity.
Suzi,
None of us can really imagine how hard the next two weeks will be for you but belief, hope and prayer are all on your side.
Think positive and I am sure things will be bright for the future.
Our thoughts and prayers.
Dave, Leonie and the kids in Ireland
PS. Give Brigid a hug from us
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