C+R week1 day4

Whooooo - it is a busy-bee life being Celebrity Patient .. I've hardly had time to catch my breath these last two days ..
Yesterday
I had a very nice day -- met up with Kate who I've met through one of the message boards I use .. she was great company and we had lunch in The Lounge and bumped into Keith again.

Celia and Sukhraj came round after work and we passsed a couple of hours mulling over certain work-related issues .. which was interesting .. then no sooner had they left than Ann arrived bearig a gift of lemon and ginger tea-bags ... thank-you!

I cooked a lovely veggie tea for B and was in bed by 9 -- quite tired ... but smiley.

Today
has also been good - I went in for treatment early for the second time this week, and Dr Adab popped his head round to check I'm doing OK - which is what he has said he would do .. ain't that nice!

I then finished annotating the ENB4 coursework plans submitted by A2 language students. I did them sitting in the cafe in Sainsobs and took them round to work. It was quite emotional being in there, and lots of ppl were very sweet with me ..

It was good to meet Stewart who has taken over my classes this year. We are sooo lucky to have someone who actually understands the Lang work! Liz leaving and me off sick left a fair gap in the market and he has made a great impression on the students already.. so hopefully they will be well cared for!

Meditation.
Lezli came for lunch and stayed to do a couple of hours with me about meditation techniques and using my mind's healing potential. I'm so lucky to be able to have this help and I feel very relaxed after the work we did today .. Lezli will teach me some more next week.

Phone
Little Mummy checked in for her daily chit-chat ..
my Dougie Mac nurse called to check that I am doing OK
the carers' group called to fix a date for B next week,
Jean called to do very high-level important talks with me ..

and later Azrini is coming round ....

see? it's a busy-bee life

Lots of love to you all
xxx

C+R day 3

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH
I am typing this with one hand plunged into a bucket of water after an unfortunate incident with the iron. I am soooo unused to ironing I obviously momentarily forgot that I'd switched the damned thing on and seared three fingers of me left hand on the hot bit... WHAT A NUMB SKULL!

Ppl who know we have a cleaner to do ironing will be pondering WHY I'm even looking at the iron... HA .. I have decided to keep up my morale by dressing smartly when I go out and to cut more of a dash at the hospital than you can in baggy tracky-bottoms .. ... a plan that is seriously compromised by having no trousers that fit me properly (since I've lost a couple of stone - the silver lining in the whole enterprise!)...So I rooted an old pair out to wear today and they needed ironing.. the rest is history.....

And yes, I have tried to buy some new ones... also difficult...
Debenhams had some that fitted quite well, but only had SHORT length in my size...
M&S quite nice over the bum and leg, but a bit snug over the loaf area..
Evans - I just refuse to shop in there when I'm size other shops sell!

I'll keep you all informed on these crucial issue..
maybe hourly updates....?


my hand still hurts :(

C+R day 2

Hi - I'm TIRED this afternoon - so this is a quicky -

This is pretty much what the radiation gear looks like - the whole big thing ROTATES around the bed, and the square thing (at the bottom) comes out to take X-ray shots of where the zaps are going at the start of treatment (so they can check that they're doing it right)

... the circular bit in the middle is all flashy with red numbers and stuff, goodness knows what it does cos I am face down and not able to see much, really.
The table is far more cluttered than this - with shapes on it that I have to lie in - a shape for my head, one for my belly and some supports for my shins.

ps
I got this pic from a website that seems quite good about what radiotherapy is: http://www.athope.com/radiation.htm if your curiosity is unsated by just the picture ...

Chemo and Radiation, Day 1

I went up for my first radiationtreatment today - the staff were lovely, quite different to the strange crew I saw last week, which is a relief.

You dont feel anything when the rays are sent in, and obviously it is too soon for side effects. In any case they reckon if I follow their "Skin-care" advice my skin won't get too sore.

Afterwards, I saw Mike Woolf in town, he was full of his trip to Copenhagan on a fact-finding thing about architecture and being more Green in our town planning. They have made Copenhagan a really bike-friendly place.. Stoke could learn a lot!

ps
B likes me to do the numbering of the post titles, cos she is a scientist, so I've sort of agreed to try it out -- but I cant see me using numbers for titles every day ... just ever so slightly boring, innit!

Le weekend 2

We've been having a lovely weekend.

Dr Adab was splendid -- he listened to all my questions and explained all my new treatments very carefully. When I said I was a bit apprehensive facing this new stuff he seemed surprised and was very reassuring about how many patients he has treated in this way, and how they cope with it and what the likely side-effects can be, etc.

He said "You sailed through the first lot and you'll sail through this." So, I find that encouraging.

Manchester
We has a lovely time in Manchester. Mandy assembled a delicious lunch for us, and hats-off to her partner, Pete, who turns out to be a great cook with a lovely celery soup and an okra dish which we relished.

In town we found that the bags in Diesel, though very lovely and funky didn't quite meet our needs .. but we found the ideal one in Jones the Bootmaker. (Still too expensive to risk mum's blood pressure, but not quite so silly as Diesel prices!) Also got Brigid a brilliant new coat from Karen Millen.. (maybe photos of these materialistic excesses will appear later today.)

Tom
We came home to spend the evening with B's sister and brother in law Alice and Graham, and the lovely Tom. B loves her nephew, Tom as much as I love mine. She 'd been hoping that he would choose Keele for his uni next year .. so they have come up for the Open Day.

Tom has got really interested in gigs and stuff, these days -- so we're not sure Keele will be the best place for him, anymore! He's also looking at Brighton and Liverpool, which are probably better for music...

They all ate a belly-busting Chinese from my fave take-away, I think I'll post a link to them - cos it really is great quality food - tho I cant eat it, atm.

B is going up to Keele with them today ..


This is photo-shop image I made of Tom last year -- am I going to get students posting "he's hot" comments now?

Le weekend

French Friends
Bonjour, bonjour, je veux parler un peu a Lili et Bouclette. Merci beaucoup pour votre e-mail, vous etes si gentils. Je ne sais pas si c'est possible comprendre tout que vouz trouvez dans Le Blog ... mais vous etes bienvenu ici! bises et bises a vous.

Alors - "le weekend" (as they say in France)

Historic Mates!
We went to see a Gay History play last night at the Vic. It was good but we left at 1/2 time -- too tired and uncomfy to stay the full length. Needless to say we bumped into several chums there , like Keith and Ian - which was delightful.

Discourse Analysis
Slightly on the surreal side, I report this conversation with someone else we bumped into there:
Susan - Hi, you OK?
Ms X - Yeah fine, how are you?
Susan - Have you heard?
Ms X - What?
Susan - I've got cancer
Ms X - No! what a shock (etc...) What type?
Susan - Bowel, I'm on a big treatment programme now.
Ms X - (*miming a balaclava-hat shape round her face*) oh will you get one of these?
Susan - (*puzzled face*) what?
Ms X - or will you get a wig?
Susan - I probably wont need one, cos hair loss isn't a major side effect of my drugs
Ms X - oh you probably will
Susan - I think I'll find my seat now...

Today
We are going to see Dr Adab at 10.30 and he'll give me my drugs etc. then we are going to Manchester to have lunch with Birthday Girl Mandy.

If I've got the energy we will go to into town to Deisel so I can treat Brigid to a funky new handbag ... she is looking very gorgeous at the moment and she just NEEDS a new bag .... (I know this isn't very yoga -- but old habits die hard)
http://www.diesel.com/index.php?page=acce
the webpage doesn't really convey the wonder of the range of bags they do at Deisel, and luckily not the prices either - or my mum would pass out with shock!

More (gratuitous) nephew pics

I love my nephews so much; there is no excuse for posting these images except pure aunty-ness.

Of course, anyone I have taught forEnglish Langauge A2 has seen videos of Toby and Joe and read Luke's poetry and stories so this is sort of an up-date for them! These boys have all contributed to the good results we've always had on the Child-Language Acquisition papers ...

Doing a comment about Toby earlier made me think of this picture -- ever the show-man! (I've blurred the girl's face cos I don't have permission to use her image)..


This is how I visualise Joe these days -- he phones me loads and will leave messages on the voicemail too:



This is a lovely shot of my brother's lad, Luke. He is a very gentle and kind boy - just started at secondary school -- how time flies!


These two are from when we all met up in Cov this summer -- the one in the bed is watching England in the World Cup -- B feels it is her duty to educate Toby and Joe in footie matters, but Luke is already an expert ... he has a big range of international shirts which I tend to tease him about, is this his BRAZIL one?



In the ruins of Cov Cathedral ...


I said IN the ruins, not the three ruins in Coventry Cathedral!

Nurses

District Nurses
Had a visit from the District Nurses yesterday. B was HUGELY disappointed to find that they arrived wearing sensible fleeces and not navy capes with lush red-lining, and of course, no trace of a cap. (It transpires it is 18 years since nurses wore caps -- outside the living memory of many ppl reading this blog -- unless, of coures, they are fans of Carry On films).

They didn't respond well to my sense of humour -- no twinkle of a smile when I showed them the cap Nurse Connie had left, and not even a groan when I remarked on the pink breast cancer ribbons that they were modelling and said I was going to start a trend for brown ones for bowel cancer .. oh dear!

Radiation Staff
Well they aren't really nurses, are they, but the ones I met today managed to keep me face down on a table in their room, told not to move for forty minutes without any effort at all to talk to me as they bobbed in and out about their measurements and x-rays. It was very strange and completely different to the lovely duo I met last week for my first visit, or the great woman who talked to me all through my MRI scan. She spent her entire 40 minutes telling I was doing really well, at regular intervals. I tell you, true or not, it makes a big difference to be encouraged with the total immobility thing that these big scans and x-rays call for.

Nurse Sisters
Of course, these are the best nurses of all - B and I both spent an age on the phone last night to our respective sisters, who are both nurses. It is so great to have a person on tap who knows a lot about things, and can be so supportive when we've had a bad day -- which we both did yesterday. Thanks so much to both of you -- you really don't know how precious those calls are , and how much they help us
xxxx

Rainy Day

HI -- it is really gray and wet here this morning ..

It was good to see Nurse Connie (aks Liz) again yesterday -- she cheered up my afternoon and then stayed over to travel into work from here this morning ..

I also heard from my mate, Karen last night, and we talked for nearly an hour about her experiences of cancer, three years ago. It was interesting and helpful to chat to someone I already know who has been through these treatments, tho' not for the exact same cancer.

Today I am feeling a bit reclusive; not very social, but OK otherwise ...

Plans

• tomorrow I have to go to the Infirmary for my radiation "simulation".
• Friday brings another trip to the Nuffield, just for a blood test
• Saturday I see Dr Adab again at his clinic ... get my chemo drugs and all explained
• Monday start the actaul chemo and radiation ..

Metaphor
At this point I bring to mind something my dad taught me 30 years ago --- when I was learning to drive ... we found ourselves in Central London, with me at the wheel (don't ask) and I was getting anxious about the whole "Argh, we're in the middle of London," thing ... ..

Dad said, "You only have to know what the traffic in front and behind is doing, don't worry about anything else" .. and that is a good metaphor for dealing with this treatement, I just have to do each day as it comes; deal with what is immediately "near me" and not get stressed by the general "bigness" of it all ...

I bet he'll be surprised that I've remembered that from way back then, but it was good advice and a tip I've actually used in a number of other difficult situations ever since.

Douglas Macmillan

Hi - I've just had my visit from my local / community Palliative Care Nurse --- not to be confused with a Macmillan Nurse, which is a service provided by a National Group (mainly in the hospital wards round here) where as our local Douglas Macmillan is something different: a local hospice / charity which send out nurses into the community...
.. .. I never knew there was a difference .. but now I do. She was very kind and I'm pleased to know that there is someone specific to ask about things and also someone who can help me get medication when I am at home. I've added a link to the Douglas Macmillan alongside here now!

Cancer Glossary

Hi, B and I went to do some retail therapy yesterday and bumped into a few students in and around Hanley -- talking to them made me realise that I've absorbed and used a vocabulary that is quite alien to many readers of this blog.

I thought I'd start a glossary -- how English- teacher is that?
Chemo -- this is the drug therapy, so I guess it is short for chemical-therapy. I am having two sorts. One "I.V." (intra-venous) which means I have been in hospital on a "drip" where a needle is put into my hand and the various drug solutions are pumped directly into my veins / blood stream throughout a three day stay. Later I will also be having "oral chemo" which will be different set of drugs, taken in a tablet form, every day AT HOME for six weeks.

Radiotherapy. This is using strong x-ray type stuff to "zap" the tumour. The actual treaments only take a few minutes and these will also be every day, but not at weekends. I go in as an "Out-Patient" just to get the zap then come home. This will also run for 6 weeks.

Side Effects - both of these therapies have side effects, cos while they zap the tumour they also zap healthy cells too! The main side effects of my current chemo are nausea, anemia, exhaustion , sore mouth and hypersensitive hands and feet. I also get a reduced immune system which means I could get quite ill from simple infections cos I lose the power to fight them off. This, and the exhaustion, are the main reasons why I cannot go into work. Cancer isn't making me feel ill, the treatments are! The radiation side-effects are similar, with the added soreness around the skin where they send the rays into me. I will get progessively weaker as the six week treatments go on.

Benefits of Chemo and Radiation. I'm having both these treatments to reduce the size of my tumour. This means that the surgery will be more likely to succeed. I can't have surgery straight after the therapies, cos I'll be too weak, so that is why I will get a rest and hopefully a good Christmas before my operation.

Surgery. Obviously, this is the operation to cut out the diseased part of me. It will be a fairly big incision and I will be in hospital for about 10 days for this. Then I will have to recuperate at home for a while. This is all supposed to take place early in the New Year. After surgery most patients have more of the I.V. chemo, for a period of between four and six months .. so you can see this is a long-haul, though at the moment I don't know how much of this I'll be given.

The oldest and newest ex-students

Getting email from Scott (see below) sent me digging in my photo albums...
I taught "scott n rob" in my first class (2001-2003)
These pics are the end of year party at my house in June 2003,
THIRTEEN years ago--

I was 34 in this pic and they were 18
and now they are in their 30s themselves..
weird..


Here are a few more of the same class..



Then hre are three of this year's lovely lot - who were so keen on grammar they called themselves "grammar-corner" and drew apostophes on their faces ..
(I look on this as a high point of my career - getting students to enthuse about grammar..!)


I'm also VERY proud of the two Lauras here who did SO well in their exams and have both gone on to do English Lang-thingies at Lancaster Uni --- which is perhaps another high point - cos Meagen (below) from this class also got into Lancaster .. TOP STUFF !

Ex -students

Hi - I'm home and it is groovy ..

I sent a circular email out to some of the students I have taught over the years who keep in touch with me from time to time. I've had a good chuckle over some of the repsonses, which have raised my spirits - and here is a bit from the funniest one, from Scott, who was in the first class I ever taught at college.

I'll have to get back in touch with Rob so that we can work on our victory song for when you get rid of the pesky thing. We're kind of lucky in that there are some fantastic rhyming opportunities for "bowel" ("howl, "yowl", fowl, "jowl") - even now I am working on something along the lines of (imagine a hard rock beat (harder than Bon Jovi but not quite Twisted Sister), "..it could've been worse for a language teacher, Could've been the dreaded cancer of the vowels.." It's nasty one that. y strt wrtng wrds lk ths nd nbdy tks y srsly.

And cancer itself has "dancer", "romancer" and "fancied 'er". We'd have been way out of luck if it had been the kidney ("sidney", "didn' he"?), or ovaries ("Madame Bovary's?"), or thyroid ("?")

I also think he isn't joking cos Rob and Scott did write and record songs about our lessons .. and it was Scott who re-named me "Suzi" in their great opus "We love you Suzi" all those years ago .... and the name has stuck. I've still got that recording -- I wonder if you can post songs on blogs?

I also had a lovely thing from Sarah which I will post over on the Take Heart blog - cos it is one to keep.

Second session of cocktails - Near end of day 3

a bit more from B

And then I remembered that I forgot to tell you about the highlight of yesterday.

I arrived at the Nuffield early yesterday morning with my two panniers loaded with the numerous things we’d forgotten to pack the day before. I’d also managed to secure a rather large box to the top of the rack of my bike, which contained a “Thinking of you” balloon from my sister. I must admit that I looked quite a “sight” as I cycled through Stoke! At least the nurses are used to seeing me laden with stuff so they didn’t even seem to notice and they might not even have commented except that, due to a plumbing problem, Susan had to move rooms.

This of course meant that the entire contents of her home from home had to be moved. No simple act and as you might imagine it employed me and a couple of nurses for a good while! By which time they could not help commenting upon the amount of stuff we’d got and general enquiries as to how long Susan was planning to be staying.

Suze is now happily settled into her new room.

And now that it's Saturday she'll be home tomorrow - yipeeeeeeeeeeee!

Good News

From Dr Adab… he has told me that I won’t need a second scan to enable him to fix my radiation plan. He has done the plan and we are going ahead with starting that treatment on 16th Oct. This also means that he has decided that I won’t need surgery for a stoma before the radiation, which he had been considering … so that is a huge relief.

What makes this really good news is that if all goes well B and I will be able to go to Dorset for Christmas. B has gone ahead and booked a lovely place for us to stay. I should be quite strong by then as I will be on the treatment “break” while I get strong again after the effects of the chemo and radiation before I have the surgery in the New Year. It will be good for us to do something different and gives us all something really positive to look forward to.

Other people’s stories

Yesterday I met a guy in here who has had very similar treatment plan to me and he is making a great recovery on the last stages of his final chemo. It was interesting and encouraging to hear what he had been through and how he is now. For instance, two weeks after his 6 week radiation-chemo treatment finished he was climbing in the Lake District, which makes me feel our plans for Christmas are quite modest and very realistic.
Funnily enough he knew me from being one of our college governors as he had seen me do a presentation about my work at a governor training event last year. He has also known Wolfie from CAB work from years ago. Small World!

Second session of cocktails - Near end of day 2

Message from Suze

So we are sitting here with Brigid on foot-massage duties and me filling in the crossword:
S: OK, 15 down, 7 letter word, begins with B, type of bird?
B: (quick as a flash) Beagle
Pause
B: Oh no, that’s a dog.
S: *eek*

You’ve got to love her!

Please post correct answers on back of a used note to her school.

I’ve not had the best night – arm is sore already with the drip and I am struggling to settle.
Talked to Mand for an hour around midnight … and doing this at 3.30am. Hopefully will nod off shortly. Or sleep through the England game that I should have been at this afternoon.
This would have been my first England game…..I hope Matt’s mate John Wain enjoys my ticket! I used to know a fellah called this too, and it’s not the same guy. Why do parents do this?

and from B

You can tell how sleepy Suze is from the fact that the England match is tomorrow so that makes us as dozey as each other.

I've just popped back home to post this and I'm back off up to the hospital now. I'm staying over at Matt and Kasia's tonight so that's all for today. Have a good evening.

love from B

Second session of cocktails - end of day 1

Hello to all ye bloggers!

Suze is settled back into the Nuffield along with most of the contents of our house. What we didn't take is now on the list to take with me tomorrow!

James you will be pleased to hear that Mabel is back in situ, guarding over things, and of course being admired by all.

It was much easier going back this time, being familiar with the routines, and to be so warmly welcomed back by the staff. Suze did however notice that her arm, into which they feed the cocktails, was more painful than the last time but she was determined to keep it in her left arm and leave her right hand free.

We we so relaxed this afternoon that we even managed to catch up on some sleep which was great.

Well done to :

Julie for successfully publishing your first three comments. Hopefully we'll be able to book Christmas soon.

Cosmolina, Kasia and Kieron - for being top bogging commentors!

brothers

I don't think there is a song for that, but Mark and I are devoted to each other too .. it was great to see him yesterday and we spent all day together, mulling over this and that and just enjoying being on our own in the same space with each other.

It was very calm, restful time and reminded me of how easily we get on with each other and what great pals we used to be when we were at home or as students together in our "youth"...

We went shopping cos I was desperate for some new "sensible" shoes. Mark said he didn't want to buy me flowers, so he bought me the shoes instead .. bless him!

We also bumped into an ex-student in Dolcis, I doubt Liz will be reading this, but Rachel and Paul B might see it - so "hi" to you both if you happen to blog-on. Thanks for organising the pressies, Rachel, you are such a sweetheart and it meant a lot to me. Have a great birthday, Paul, and I hope your dad is OK. I WOULD have come and had a drink in The Club with you - but I'll be back on chemo-cocktails this Saturday!

sisters. sisters

....never were there such devoted sisters ...

many's the time Julie and I used to skip through streets singing this --- but never anywhere where Julie lived!
Haha - we could only do it where no-one knew us, or where it might be MY neighbours who would see us acting like a comedy-musical in the streets ...

Here we are being more sudued, but none the less devoted to each other ..

one - hysterical aunty sequence

This sequence starts with my sister trying to take a "nice" picture and telling Tobe to "stop waving these coke cups on your hands."

He takes "hands" to be the operative word and sets about finding other bits of his anatomy to wave is coke cups from -- there is a certain inevitability about this sequence of pics ...

My growing hysteria was only exaggerated by the evil eye my sis is shooting at me from behind the camera ..

I was literally gasping for breath by the end!

two

three

four

five

Rainbow

Did I eat a rainbow yesterday?
thinks ....
blueberries, peach, orange, grapefruit, raspberry juice, beetroot, tomatoes, carrot, broccoli .. hmm, not bad ...


This is me eating rainbows on the "Health Farm" this summer.

radiation plan

I was at the hospital to get measured up for my radiation yesterday and now have dates for that treatment to start on Oct 16th and run for 5 and 1/2 weeks until the end of November.

Mr K proved excellent company for the job -- keeping me entertained as we had a long wait .. (this mainly due to the previous patient being "unable to park" for half an hour! -- this being cos some ppl seem to think they have to park in the hospital grounds and not using the streets nearby and also not leaving enough time -- grrr -- since Mr K and I did both of these we were early and it felt like a double whammy!)

The staff seemed a bit puzzled by a male-mate who wouldn't be classified as husband going in with a female patient.. Obviously quite a novelty, but it added to the fun from our point of view!

Cathy's opinions:
We bumped into Cathy at the hospital - she opined that I looked healthier than anyone at work this week ... I think the ability to delete any work e-mail with "Pro-monitor" or "Register" in the title has curative powers.

Cathy had previously sent me an email saying: I'm there this afternoon - at the fracture unit which is a god-forsaken place , peeling walls , cracked flooring , crumbling Victorian loos and patients just dumped in the corridor on trolleys for hours on end . Still , the technology's impressive and the doctors we've seen so far have been very nice and reassuring.

I can't fault her observational powers, the fracture unit and the X-ray place are very close together! What she didn't mention is the constant high level of clattery clanking noise on the main corridor and the high-level windows so you can't see out.

In fact the radiation bit is a lot nicer than the main corridor of the Royal Infirmary, thankfully, as I'm going to be there everyday when the treatment kicks in.

It's a new dawn ... It's a new day ...

.. and I'm feeling goooooood. (that' more Nina Simone)

Morning campers!! - a bit late this morning cos I've been typing out stuff for my new blog "take heart" ... it is exciting me.

I had a good time with the kids yesterday at Monkey Forest and managed to say goodbye without crying.. which is unusual cos I always do cry when I leave them... maybe I was scared to let myself get upset this time? My sis confesses to her own blubbing, so the tradition was partly upheld.

B is feeling a bit better today, tho she has got to work late tonight, so Mr K has been recruited in to come with me for my first radiation meeting this afternoon .. .. He seems to think he'll be advising them on tattoo designs, he is currently favouring some British Bulldog type thing .... . hey ho!

New Blog

I have started a new blog - which I plan to use just for religious stuff and motivational ideas .. I don't want this current blog to get too involved in that aspect but I need to have a section for that side of me.

Some ppl are sending me some really good quotations and I am forever reading things in my Yognanda books that I want to save -- so the new blog will be for things like that. Perhaps you have some ideas for what could go in it and I would welcome contributions.

It is a bit too new to be any use yet, but I will be building it over the next couple of weeks.

http://takeheart-suze.blogspot.com/
here is the link - and I've also re-arranged my permenant links section on the right here . The final links section includes the religious blog link as "blog 2" so you can check it out if you are interested (or ignore it if you don't care for that sort of thing,)

xx

Schedule

eeeeep -
I am tired but not ready to sleep

so here is more blah blah blah:

The week ahead:
Monday - up to the Nuffield, but just for blood tests to make sure I am OK for the next round of chemo. Hope to walk around Monkey Forest with the boys b4 they go home.

Tuesday - up to the North Staffs for the first consultation about my radiation therapy. I think this will involve more scans and maybe some tattooing!

Weds - Mark is coming up for the day with me

Thursday - back into Nuffield as In-Patient for three more days on the chemo drip

Friday - B has got the day off to be with me while I am in

Saturday - In-Patient -- James is comng for another go at fixing my wireless set-up

Sunday - get out of Nuffield about breakfast time --

Photos of the kids - NOT with me!

In the absence of pics of the Mistery Brothers up here with me - here are some from a summer project they did all by themselves - making a bench! You can see those hours passed "in the shed" with my dad have paid off already:








I sort of can hear them hatching a new plan in the final shot of this sequence!

Cousins

@ Dom and "Loz" - HEY, hi there! it is really great that you have been in to read this stuff .. thanks to both of you for your kind thoughts, and you really made me laugh, Lawrence. I will never forget what you quoted from Grandad (did he REALLY say that? I can't believe he said it, cos there is no swearing in it!) Please feel free to post any more random thoughts from him - I would like it very much, as I also take him as a good role model.

I think you and I are in a minority in the broader family for being big fans of Owd Fayther Toft .. ( one of them distant cousins told me as much after my speech at his funeral *gasp*) -- but I always had a massive respect for him and would be happy to be as strong as he was in his own battle with bowel cancer (and the rest).

I agree that J, M and I are getting spookily alike, and, I have to say, I think I look more and more like Nana Toft as each year passes -- watch out, it could happen to you!

Mistery Brothers Day 1 and 2

Arrived at last . It took them the best part of 6 hours to get here, yesterday, as it often does, but we all thought it was worth it. The night b4 I had had a dream of them arriving - so I told them how to get here (run onto the lawn and jump on the bench to look in the window then come to the front door to get hugged) ... so they did this and it was exactly like my dream -- and having them here is a dream come true for me... literally and all other ways.

I love these boys so much ---- the thought of not being there to see them grow up and how much they would miss me is the one thing about this cancer business that is guaranteed to bring a tear to my eye. We are CRAZY about each other, even though we only meet up a few times a year, we really have a great relationship and they are brilliant kids .. so I am very keen to still be here for them as they grow up.

Heritage Trail 1 with the kids - firstly impressing on them that Staffordshire is a beautiful rural place by taking them to their lovely BandB in a 17th Farmhouse out by Endon, (see Stokey links) with stunning views in to the Peak District. and then going out for a walk along the canal at Denford and into the Deep Hayes Country Park. We got a bit wet, and of course they're not used to rain, being from Dorrrrssset, but it was great.

You've got to love 8 year olds who appreciate scenery!

We drove home the hilly route to show them where B and I usually cycle about and then we had a big roast tea that Brigid had stayed in to cook for us. She is still poorly with her sore throat... but managed to be "Queen of the Kitchen" all the same.

Heritage Trail 2 with the kids. Today we spent almost the whole day at Gladstone Pottery museum, which they absolutely loved. I also took them to see the oatcake shop down our street and ended the day with another type of cultural advantage we get from living in a city:- the wonders of Al Murshid's foodshop, stuffed with exotic foods and spices...

I feel really pleased to have had this chance to show them some of "what's what" near me and some of the things that inform and enrich my life here.

Random things my dad says

Magic Water
While my dad was visiting we shared a few thoughts on my religion, and the power of the mind. He is quite convinced about the mind over matter thing and knew various stories from the news on this theme. One tale he told me was about watering plants - the premise is something like this: the researchers chanted positive sayings over one lot of water and negative sayings over another lot, and then used these different waters on different lots of plants. Over time the negative water plants failed to flourish, whereas the positive water plants flourished. Now this is the sort of thing I find very easy to believe .. and I was wondering if anyone else has heard of this experiment and better still can you locate a refernce for it?

Bad news
My best nurse has got a sore throat :(
Her doc has given her antibiotics and she is sleeping in the spare room - but she has a sorry face on her cos she is worried about making me ill. On the other hand, the nurse at the Nuffield reckons my immunity won't be that low on just my first round of chemo -- so hopefully we'll be OK!

Get Well Banner

BANNER
Yesterday I got this banner through the post. It is a re-cycled gift from the Mistery Brothers - Joe made it for Toby when he had a broken arm. It worked for him cos his arm is mended now, and it seems tailor made for this space. I've decided to pin up all my cards too.. just like Toby did. At times like these I find 8 year olds a great inspiration .. and I can hardly wait to see them tomorrow.

PRESSIES
In fact, yesterday was a good day for pressies - I had a big bouquet and two pottery angels from the students in 1E - my lovely tutor group. I was very touched by that. Bless 'em.

Below are some pics of other lovely flowers I've had in the last couple of weeks. I get great pleasure from flowers and I particularly like these strange orange ones that Mr Kettle sourced .. (they are too House Doctor to just be "bought")

I have also advised a couple of ppl who wanted to get my a pressie to give a donation to Macmillan Cancer Support instead. I will certainly be using that charity in the future, so it is a good option to support them and me at the same time.

If you are "up 'anley duck" it is very easy to donate to them, cos they have a big collection-wall thing just inside the main entrance to the Potteries Centre.

Nina Simone lyrics

For those of you who haven't had the (dubious) pleasure of seeing me swing my hips to Nina Simone's "I got Life" song -- here are the best half of the lyrics:

Why am I alive anyway?
Yeah, what about God?
Nobody can take away
I got my hair, I got my head
I got my brains, I got my ears
I got my eyes, I got my nose I got my mouth,
I got my smile
I got my tongue, I got my chin
I got my neck, I got my boobs
I got my heart, I got my soul
I got my back, I got my sex
I got my arms, I got my hands
I got my fingers, got my legs
I got my feet, I got my toes
I got my liver,
Got my blood

I've got life ,
I've got my freedom
I've got the life
And I'm gonna keep it
I've got the life
And nobody's gonna take it away
I've got the life

Reasons to be cheerful Pt. 1

Rainbow food
Had a nice relaxing day with mum and dad. Ate pretty much of the rainbow during the day - peach, leek, potato, beetroot, tomato, broccoli carrot and peas. (LOL - this spell-checker doesn't recognise the word beetroot - which suggests how RARE I am for eating the lovely stuff all my life - and it is a superfood to stop you getting my type of cancer -- only it obviously isn't a guarantee!)

Routine
I got up early with B and we did our yoga together then ate porridge with banana, blueberries and raspberries - so you can see I'm feeling less nauseous today too.. Doing this very familiar stuff makes me very cheerful. I'm tired now - but I can go back for a snooze anytime.

Sofa
The lovely man from Highly Sprung called to say they would try to collect the sofa (for re-upholstering) TODAY. This is great news - even though (unbelievably useless) CIS insurance still haven't paid him - he says he will chase them! Good luck to him- we've been chasing them for FIVE months!

I admit I played the cancer-emotional-blackmail-card last week and told him that I NEED this sofa back quickly, seeing as I can't possibly watch crappy NTL telly from a dining chair... he seems responsive to my needs!

James

In despair at James's images of himself on his blog
http://theflashpointofvaseline.blogspot.com/
I've decided to post a couple of my own to better show his sartorial elegance.

Here he is, at our wedding this Easter -- In The Pink,.
You can work out the title for the second one yourself.



Caption competition moment:


We love him to bits, and he MUST be the funniest story-teller ever -
this picture captures ppl's usual response to his outrageous stories:

family

My folks arrived about mid-day on Tuesday and swung (swang?) into action - mum has ironed every piece of bedding and nightwear in the place and bought a million pounds worth of anti-bacterial wipes. I am pleased about the ironing cos I am always such a "princess and pea" (even when I am well) it strikes me that one advantage of being ill is to get everything ironed so it feels lovely and smooth Thanks mum!

I feel quite a bit brighter this morning than I did yesterday. Julie says you can't predict how the effects of the chemo will pan out over the time - but I am hoping that I will have some energy for when she brings the Mistery Brothers up at the weekend.

Nurse Connie

Slightly disappointed to find this snap is out of focus butI still think it is worth posting .. you've got to admire a caller who goes the extra yard the way Nurse Connie will.

Not everyone knows Liz was a nurse b4 she got into teaching - but how handy for me.
She is a top-nurse, very calm and gentle with an ability to rustle up a nutritious meal in a moment. Plus, if I tire of the usual stuff she'll sing a rune or three to while away the hours.
Thanks, Lizzie...
PS - this is how she looks in her tiara:


Arty Friends Theme... I have updated the "links list" to add a link to Liz's newest published work (a short story in a collection called Bitch Lit) .
AND a link to another "Lili" - our darling friend in France whose paintings are in every room of our house. She now has a "galleriste" in the UK - so I posted the link for you to enjoy.
Here she is - varnishing one of our paintings in our garden a few years back!



@Matt - listen!!!! This is meant to be a family show... :) Your message is so TYPICAL of Lit teachers, they can't do anything without ref to something sexual. (Was there a video to watch too?)

Suzi sleeps early and B blogs on!

Suzi is fast asleep

I'm not sure if she'll approve of all the comments which I've just chosen to publish but hey ho I thought you lot out there would enjoy this challenge:

so........ come on all ye English teachers and English students

'The big C' - Poem story (from Matt's last comment)

• who wrote the 'The big C' poem?

......and Matt I'm waiting to hear how you explained it to him! (But sorry folks I'm not sure if the reply to this will be fit to publish).

"Irish nurse Connie" wins the best dressed nurse competition

Well done to Irish Nurse Connie for your perfectly crafted nurses hat and extra special bonus points for the name badge. Well done Lizzie, today's efforts are going to take some beating!

Carry-On with the Cable

haha - classic "carry-on" comedy moment this morning when the NTL guy arrives to fix up the cable for my trashy day-time TV and new phone deal ... I am only dressed in a towel from the bath! I offered to go and get dressed but he prefered to get on with finding out where the cables are to go. He is working away as I type.

I had a good night's sleep, with Brigid sleeping on the floor at the foot of my bed like a medieval retainer, as we are forbidden to share the space while my poison-chemo is still coming out of me. It tastes vile in my mouth and is making me a bit queasy - but only mild, and quite manageable so far. I feel a bit less tired than yesterday and may be able to do a bit of work later.

A2 Lang students - check out the ENB4 page on the college intranet - I updated it a bit yesterday. Let's get this coursework licked - so far I've seen 7 proposals, and as far as I know there are 35 of you 20%.... well done to the 20% who've got started, but come on the rest of you!

Hospital Photos

Posh Nosh:



Posh Nail, Posh Flaffs and
Poshest of all Plastic Guard Dogs:


Posh Nurse:

Ahhh - ain't she cute when she's asleep. ;)

Photos from Monkey World

I decided to try again with the photos - these relate to Julie's and my trip to Monkey Forest on Monday - it seems the blogger has a few headaches about photos - but (for now, at least, I seem to have it cracked!)

Mother and baby



Three generations of groomers


The oddest one of the lot!

HOME

It is good to be back here. I am tired and flakey but will write more later. B has been fixing the flowers.
@ Keiron - I didn't post your comment since it had your email addy in it - but I wrote to you - let me know if it hasn't got through!
@ Greg - brilliant exposition on how to post a comment - you'd mke a great teacher if you weren't set to be a "Top Scientist" ---- NB to ppl who want to comment - the key thing is NOT to tick the "blogger name" box if you aren't a blogger! If you use "other" you can post without a password and I will moderate the posts later
@ Erin - groovy to hear from you - thanks for your kind thoughts - it is thundering here this morning
xx suze

PS - if you scroll down I've managed to add ONE photo today - the photo-adding thing is very hit and miss....

End of Treatment Day 3

Saturday

Hi – it is me
wresting back Blog-Control from Brigid before you all realise that she has more comedic talent than me. I am pleased that she has been able to keep it going while I’m in here, but now I can type in hospital – thanks to Jan-mum for getting me the lap-top. You are lovely, Jan. *kiss kiss*. We’ve also got 44 days of music to listen to, *gasp* thanks to James for fixing that and the wireless set-up at home … I am surrounded by such kind and generous ppl.

54 hours into the chemo and the hair-do is still in place. This chemo isn’t famous for hair-loss and it is obviously respecting the expense and trouble of my current style. Three days of the cocktail has made me a bit tired and sickly, but nothing at all hard to deal with.

Dr Adeb is very lovely - I am convinced now I’ve seen him thrice without any more recess-probing. He has also admired my metallic pink toe nails and even patted Mabel, the trusty guard-dog. He also showed a surprising knowledge about Charlton’s “progress” in the league this year. You experts out there will realise that there HAS BEEN NO FOOTBALL TODAY. (Yet again).

It really isn’t hard being in here – the space is very pleasant and the food is good, I’ve had prawns twice today, once with Mango salsa and once in sandwiches… very nice and full of essential minerals. I’m also eating masses of fresh fruit and seeds – I might turn into a bird –
haha –
more like a monkey. I’m so looking forward to seeing The Mystery Brothers next weekend, and will save some energy to go to Monkey Forest with them.

and from B

I can't wait to collect Suze and bring her back home. No doubt you'll be pleased to have the electronic communication restored to full working order!

OOOOOOOOps the "L" techno babe has realised why no comments!

Yes obviously I had to look at them in a different section, on edit posts, and then publish them before they would appear! Apologies for the delay in the posting and many thanks Kasia and Tracy for helping to spot the error!

What no comments!

Help needed

Suze has had several emails from people unsure of how to leave a comment.

Could anyone who has worked out how to leave a comment, please leave a comment here to explain to others how to do it?!

Just on my way up to see her now. I've printed off all her emails so she'll have plenty to occupy her mind with today.

Many thanks for all the good wishes. I will pass on all your love.

End of Treatment Day 2

Everyone rallied round

Suze is on Day 2 of Chemo and feeling up to doing some college work.

Ann visited to discuss coursework - a very well done to the students who have handed it in - they will be getting lots of advice and tips on how to develop their ideas. Lazy students, you are losing out big time, get some work done!

An extremely efficient Matt in IT did a great job getting Suze's laptop ready so that she can work on developing resources.

The Kettle called, successfully getting past reception with his stella charged "water" bottle. Enjoyed a very healthy fruit salad - the food and nursing faultless. "OK" with Posh's new hair do and skinny knees kept everyone entertained for the afternoon.

Suze's spirit continues to be high but she is looking forward to a good nights sleep. I am too!

End of Treatment Day 1

A busy day!

Packing took ages and despite deciding against the cocktail dress and other luxury goods we still had a full car load. Now, after all the gifts Suzi had today, it'll be two car loads to get it all home. We never have had the ability to travel light. The nurses were entertained by the number of times I passed them laden with stuff. The room is packed with flowers and other essential items like Mabel the protective boxer dog!

S got wired up onto her chemo drug and is pleased to report that her vastly expensive cut and colours she had done to her hair last week have survived the first 12 hours. She had a peaceful few hours chatting with Mandie before James and I burst in laden with more goodies. A beautiful book to go with the dog from James and a very stylish new laptop from Jan/mum.

Time passed very quickly and it was soon passed 9. It was tough leaving but she is so clearly in good kind and caring hands. James and I then met up with Mike for something to eat and a chat which is always enjoyable in their perfect company.

It was just after 11 when we got back home and then James set to work for a couple of hours trying to get the wireless network working. I caught up with the phone messages but by this time it was too late to return any calls but many thanks to you all for your kind thoughts.

I've just finished chatting to S, our regular 2am slot, she is fine comfortable and feeling very well cared for. I told her about all the phone messages of love. She did have a list of several more things for me to take into her tomorrow so I may have to look into the possibility of getting a second room at the hospital to fit it all into.

Time to sleep again for me too.

Love to you all

B

b's updates

L is also for learning

I have just had my first lesson in creating blogs and hence my first posting!

Not known for being a "techno babe" I will do my best to update this when Suze is not able to get on the net. Apologies in advance for when I don't quite manage it.

What to wear for cocktails

Cocktails - doctors like to call their mixtures "cocktails". Hmmph - The Nuffield is hardly the Top o' the Mark, where we were at Easter.

I recently bought a lovely, full length chiffon dress from Monsoon and I am pretty aggrieved that I probably wont be able to wear it, as I am losing weight so fast. I knew when I bought it that opportunities to wear it would be few and far between (it looks more like a wedding dress than the outfit I wore to my wedding!) so B's solution is to wear my cocktail dress as I ingest my chemo-cocktail this afternoon. Hmm.... I think NOT.

Students

I've seen a couple of students around town and now cards and messages are coming through to me too... which is lovely. I thought I'd respond to those who signed my card, and any student who wants to can keep in touch through here or via my work email, which I am still using. It is GREAT being able to delete all the general "work" email and just read friendly stuff!

@ Charlotte M - bless you for your words in the card, you are very kind.
@ Emma C - I am sure that you will get good support from Celia too - and the way you keep working and drafting will surely help you to get good coursework marks again this year.
@ Nat S. I REALLY want you to email me (ask Celia if you don't know how) I need to know how you are progressing with the things we talked about last year.
@ Matt B - we haven't really had time to get to know each other, but since they have put Nigel in charge of our tutorial you have passed into the safest hands!
@ Chris F - now then! *adopts stern voice*. You have got all the potential in the world to get a top grade - so make sure you do plenty of indept. study to build on what you've got already!
@ Becky M - I dunno if it was faith, exactly, but I was always sure that you could fly in this subject, and you proved me right - your first piece of coursework was one of the best I've ever seen for a listening audience. I will be keeping an ear out to make sure you keep on track this year!
@ Matt N - bless you for your kind words. You will find Celia very good for your A2 work.
@ M Areeb - you are another one who did very good coursework, you've made such great progress since your first year in the college, and you should feel rightly proud of yourself.
@ Saiqa - Apart from being amazed that you're still there I will be keeping an ear out to make sure you stay on track this time! Thanks for your enthusiastic words - I'm deeply touched by them.
@ Sam B - thanks for your kindness. I am sure you will make great progress this year.
@ "little Sam" - surely I never used a size-ist term like that? .. is that what your mates call you? I am getting littler myself tho - this condition is like a fierce diet!
@ Sophie - I am delighted that you are carrying on with A2,can you remember what I said to you on results day?
@ Kieran .... I will miss you too, you surely did add to the entertainment factor last year! Did I really "shout" at you!
@ Holly - congratulations on still being there. Try to focus on a bit of study from time to time this year, my dear!
@ BECKY - ah, yes indeed, you made me laugh out loud with that comment. I was right about you, and I hope that you are right about me too.
@ Hanna - I look forward to seeing you all again too.

Some people don't understand why I am still thinking of work, but what else can I do with my mind? Ponder on sickness? You young people are at the heart of my life, and I do enjoy your company and helping you with your learning, so as long as I am well enough to type and chatter I will want to keep hearing about you and offering support if I can.

Treatment Plan

Dr Adeb was very positive when I met him yesterday, and Julie and Brigid thought him to be very engaging and a safe person to be treated by. My view might be coloured by the fact that these doctors all insist on probing my inner recesses. Jeez - do the photos he's got showing him a "loaf" -sized tumour not convince him that there is a problem? Is it vital to make personal acquaintance with the "malignancy"?
No, really, I agreed with B and J, he was very kind and also very confident that he can help me .........................and I'm sure he had good reason to go where he went!

The treatment plan starts tomorrow:

• three days as in-patient for I.V. chemo
• two weeks at home being sorted out for radiation treatment and seeing what the side-effects of the chemo are
• three more days of in-patient I.V. chemo
• start the radiation therapy – total of 28 days, five days a week for nearly 6 weeks – as an outpatient PLUS oral chemotherapy at the same time – during this I will get weaker and iller… and my immunity to bugs will drop right down.
• Then I get a 5 or 6 week “rest” to build up my strength for the surgery
• surgery will need 8-10 days as in-patient several weeks at home, recovering
• possibly more chemotherapy after that ......

Side effects Julie has been giving me tips on how to manage the side-effects, in particular the fact that I will be very buggered as regards my immune system. Please don't come to see me if you have any minor ailments that are carried by bugs!

Malignancy - what a glorious word! The BUPA person I spoke to today used this to describe my condition. There are two quick definitions of malignancy -- here - I prefer the second one .. redolent of dramatic personae like Iago and Caliban ... the thing growing inside me like a damn'd inhuman dog. Hey-ho - I should leave the literary refs to the experts!

Family. Julie is safely back at home with her lovely boys now, and plans are afoot to get my mum and dad up for a visit during the week next week. It was a total delight to have my sister here at such a crucial time, and I was very grateful for her nursing expertise PLUS all her tips and advice as I've been absorbing the new situation and taking in all the medical jargon. THANKS JULIE!

The Surgeon Speaks

and she says: good news and bad news: good news: there are no secondaries in my lung or liver, which is a huge relief. Bad news: "it's big and it's ugly".

She's fixed for me to see another specialist today and he will decide if it is possible to reduce it with radiation and chemotherapy. Mrs Hall obviously favours this, but it depends the need to protect the rest of my abdomen from the effects of radiation. If Mr Adeb says "yay" there will be 5 weeks of treatment every day except the weekend. If he says "nay" Mrs Hall will operate Oct 9th.

Shaking. After this phone-call I had my most obvious emotional reaction so far. I was shaking and unable to concentrate at all. The fear of secondaries had been well suppressed, but came bursting out when she told us there are none. I've been able to draw on my yoga-training all week to help me focus on being "well" but last night I was like a fish on a hook - instinctively flapping from side to side, making contact with nothing.

I feel OK today though, and very optimistic that my yoga training will help me to deal with the side-effects of the treatment. Julie looks pale at the prospect of Mr Adeb's treatment, but I am not fretting about it till I see how it affects me; it seems to affect ppl in different ways,

Teaching. Mrs Hall repeated what she said last Monday, that I have to put my own health first this year, and not worry about the current students so that I can make sure I'll be here for future students. The first time she said it she said for ten more years teaching (which is about right). Last night she said 20 years! Arrrrgh..... surely NOT!

Anyway - hard though it is, I am taking on board the underlying meaning of this. I've got to dedicate my energy to fighting this big, ugly thing now in order to have any future at all, teaching or otherwise.

Prayers. Several people have said that I am in their prayers and B's family in Ireland all lit candles for me this Sunday. In previous years this would have seemed irrelevant to me, but over the past few months we have been consolidating a faith of our own (see the Self-realisation Yogananda link on the right). It has been a timely spiritual development and it is giving us enormous support now. I am grateful to all who say that they pray for me, and truly believe that it will help me.

Yesterday. Julie and I had a lovely day. We revisited some family landmarks in Tunstall and Burslem, and ooh'd and aahh'd at the Burleigh Pottery. Then we went to the Monkey Forest at Trentham, which was an excellent diversion. The animals are delightful and the walk itself gave me my exercise dose for the day.



xx

Sunday at Tittesworth

We had a lovely day, yesterday. My brother came up and brought Luke with him. B was really tired so she stayed in while us three siblings went off to Tittesworth reservoir.


Julie Mark Me

Luke, me, Mark

I'm pleased with this hair do - and no wobbly neck! Our Mark takes a flattering picture.

What a sportif pair they are.

Bless him

xx

four am

What is it about this time that makes it so hard to sleep? I am not aware of being anxious, just awake. I am also excited cos Julie is coming up tomorrow and staying for a few days. I think we can go out for a little peddle along the canal on Sunday. Then she can help me get some shopping: the "hospital kit" -- slippers! dressing gown! will she be able to cope with the excitement?

Dressing Gowns. This is a challenge - I've actually been looking for one for months. Has anyone else noticed how infantile most nightwear aimed at women is? I'm not at home with the fluffy bunny look. Or you can get slippy satin that is cold to touch and falls open all the time Or they dont "do it your size, madam"..

Julie might be taking on more than she realises, going shopping with me!

Hairdresser. I was so unhappy with yesterday's hair-do that I went to another salon today. I choseJohn English and the M.D. (Gill) was there. She is a stunning woman. She was so kind with me, and sat and talked to me the whole time the girls were fiddling with my hair. She is a shining example of the kindness of strangers, she listened really well and chipped in with relevant and interesting comments. AND my hair looks better! I've had a shorter than usual crop for easy maintenance.

Survivor's Stories I just read some of the survivors' stories from the Bowel Cancer Site. Hmmmm, Maybe not the best idea in the middle of the night.

What they all make clear is that this is going to be a long haul.

Reflection This is better for these dark hours:
http://www.yogananda-srf.org/calendar/ir2007gallery.swf

Cancer Blog starts here!

It is only the fourth day since I heard the news about my cancer. I'm not sure if using a blog is a good idea or not - but I feel drawn to it.. I'm gonna use this old one to save setting up a new one!

Yesterday's funniest quote - demonstrating some of the serious side-effects of cancer -- B and I out for a walk up the lane, jogging back (gently, you understand!) and I come to a grinding halt "What is going on? I ate carrot sandwich for lunch and I am running UP HILL .." something wrong there, surely!

Yesterday's most serious thought: Someone who doesn't know me very well said he thought I was "putting a brave face on it" .. erm, no I am NOT doing that ... what you are seeing IS my face, and when/if I get upset or down you will see that face too, cos I'm not one to hold back on my feelings! But at the moment, this is my face ..
I'm not feeling ill, I'm having a good time keeping in touch with everyone and I am being blessed with kind thoughts and love from lots of delightful people. I don't know what the future will bring, and I am a right wimp with pain, but my dad (thanks dad - hope you dont mind me quoting you!) said it best :
I know you will get better, your willpower and determination are some of your stronger points, being a Toft first means you do the right thing and don't give in till you have won.

I think he is right.

Where I am today: I managed to get an almost full night's sleep and feeling fine. Will go to town for an hour later - maybe walk up there for the exercise and swap the books I bought the other day that I already have on the shelf!
Then Matt is coming round after work but with his health problems we probably wont be able to go for a walk :)

another end of term

So it is nearly Summer; France beckons and the students are mostly gone. I will miss this year's lot of second years. They were a great lot, and I wish them all well in their futures!

New Term

Happy New Year.

I've just had another tooth extracted ... It hurts.